The majority of us may have memories of playing outside until dark, rolling and jumping in muck and dirt, splashing in puddles, having fingertips almost frost bitten from playing in the snow and a having a feeling of infinity and of having so much time and endless hours in every day!

If you pause and observe, you will notice how blissful, how peaceful, how playful most children are and how completely immersed they are in their moment.  You can see that they are almost on a different wavelength than us adults, something that many of us may be so envious of! That’s because they are.  They are high on theta brainwaves.

Until the age of eight years, children live in this beautiful brainwave of bliss! They can download their experiences from their environments at an incredible speed, they have the ability to learn multiple languages, they see and notice everything around them, they believe everything that they see and hear and what they tell themselves.  This is also the time where their core beliefs are formed. This is the lovely dreamy, hypnotic, meditative and subconscious frequency where anything is possible!

I find that by continuously checking in with my mind, body and emotions and by asking myself the question, “what would your 8-year-old-self do in this situation”?, I am better able to take myself less seriously, to immerse myself into the lighter and less stressful side of life. I am better able to enjoy the simple pleasures that brought me so much fun and laughter as a child, like riding a bike, spinning around on roller skates, splashing in puddles, bouncing on a trampoline, going on adventures in the woods, watching the clouds pass by…

All these precious little moments and elements that help us to feel truly alive, present and very peaceful in any moment.  In the words of Dharma Mittra:

“If you open your heart and become like a child, you will always be blissful, always content”.

For example, I was out walking one of the days last week with my little baby on a cool, bright, fresh winter morning. As I got hotter, my body was screaming to me “take your coat off and enjoy the fresh cool air on your arms!”. But, my conditioned adult mind, my ego, was fighting back saying, “you can’t do that, it’s too cold, you will get a chill and get sick”. Having asked my inner child, my 8-year-old-self, “what would you do?”, I threw off my coat and I can’t describe how alive and present I felt!

It really is possible to just let ourselves go, to move outside of our comfort zone, to unleash our inner child and to wholly live and experience any moment you are in. We just need to increase our awareness as we move through each moment. This way we can truly learn how to ‘show up’, ‘be present for’ and to ‘really experience our daily lives’ and not just coast through on auto-pilot or live at the mercy of our ego!

This week, make a commitment to yourself to try to live more presently. Use any or all of your 5 senses to help you to show up in your life. Embrace nature, kick a ball, ride a bike, splash in a puddle, find a frog, pet a bird, walk on a tree plank, do something, anything that will ignite that fun loving and playful inner child inside of you!!

As beautifully put by Deepak Chopra:

“Nothing is more important than reconnecting with your bliss. Nothing is as rich. Nothing is more real”.

HOW TO CONNECT WITH AND HEAR THE VOICE OF YOUR ‘8-YEAR-OLD-SELF’:

1. To connect with and to hear the voice of your inner child, your 8-year-old-self, create an awareness of the moment you are in by using your senses and by asking yourself “what would my 8-year-old-self do?”.
2. Envision the carefree, fun loving, blissful theta frequencies that you may have experienced in your own childhood and allow yourself to embrace these feelings, emotions and memories and to feel the excitement and opportunity in your moment.
3. Allow yourself to laugh and to see the lighter side of your moment, allow yourself to find the silliness in your day!
4. Fully and wholly immerse yourself into enjoying ‘just this moment’ and treating the harder and complicated moments with the pure, innocent and unconditional simplicity that an 8-year-old child would!

© Leona McDonnell Mindfulness and Wellness 2022

A few words on something my little boy said to me the other morning ….

The worries our kiddies have and their heightened anxiety at the moment is huge

Great to be able to give reassurance and take one worry away

I feel that this is why so many of us, including me, are always second guessing and questioning our choices and decisions as parents. Parenting does not come with a step by step guide or manual and a lot of the time we are just winging it and finding out as we go along.

Feeling such intense love and pride for our children can be so overwhelming and we can get lost in wanting the ‘very best’ of everything for them and continuously pushing and striving to meet their needs and wants. This then results in so many of us parents feeling that we are not good enough, experiencing parental guilt when things don’t work out how we had hoped or planned and that we are just wading through the water, trying to keep afloat in our daily parenting choices and abilities.

Mindfulness and Mindful Parenting has helped me personally to realise that my own children don’t need the latest iPad’s, tablets, gaming consoles, bicycles, toys, holidays and so much more! I have learned and realised that what my children do need is a parent who is ‘present’ in their lives, present in their own life, who is freely available for love, hugs, laughter, tears, encouragement, motivation, a friend who is always contactable and ready to listen.

My children don’t need a parent that is so overwhelmed by the pace of life, by trying to keep up with ‘The Joneses’, so engrossed in their phone, tablet, laptop or PC, unable to switch off after a day at work, bringing their work home with them, discussing openly in the home adult concerns, fears or worries.

Being more Mindful in my parenting style means that I firstly recognise the importance of my own mental, emotional and physical health and wellbeing. How can I be present for my children and support my family if I am not present in my own life? I am so aware of my own ‘self-care’ needs and know the importance of taking time out every day for my rest, repair and recovery through meditation, exercise, good food choices and loads of fresh air. This is how my children learn the importance of self-care – through example.

Mindful Parenting enables me to be more in touch with my emotions and particularly the hard and fearful ones. It enables me to be upset, to cry, to ask for support, to explain to my children that ‘Mammy is feeling sad and upset today because of (whatever reason). Mammy needs to let her tears come so she can feel her emotions and then get some nice relaxation time outside or while walking’. By doing this you are teaching your children to listen to and feel their emotions, that all feelings and emotions matter and you are giving them the foundations to help themselves to feel better in any moment. You are mindfully teaching them to meet themselves exactly how they are and where they are and that all emotions, feelings, fears, worries and anxieties are ok and that they are a part of normal daily life.

Mindful Parenting is as much about nurturing and empowering your own mental, emotional and physical health as it is of your children’s. I love how Dr Malie Coyne, Clinical Psychologist and Author of ‘Love In Love Out’ describes how we can make peace with ourselves and can view our parenting styles as ‘good enough parenting’. Good enough in that when we prioritise our own self-care, self-compassion and bring an element of kindness to our parenting, we are helping to remove the guilt that we feel about our own parenting skills or choices which enables us to be present and available to and for our little one(s), whatever their need is in any moment.

A powerful quote I came across recently which signifies the important of a parent’s self-care and self-compassion to enable Mindful Parenting is:

“When little people are overwhelmed by big emotions, it’s our job to share our calm, not to join their chaos”
(L.R. Knost)

So HOW do I practice Mindful Parenting?

The following is a step by step guide on how to practice Mindful Parenting:

1. Always communicate to your child(ren) that you are readily free, available and present to listen to or help them work though or unpack their anxiety or their need.
2. Lead by example! Let your child(ren) see how you practice daily self-care, self-compassion, kindness and love for yourself first. Show them the importance of taking time out for your own rest, recovery, repair and to balance and re-balance yourself.
3. Whether you are dealing with a temper tantrum, a complete meltdown, a storm of attitude coming from your child, remain solid in your calm presence. Take a step back, take at least one balancing breath. This will give you the moment or two you need to ensure that you don’t get caught up in your child’s emotional storm or trauma and that you be present for them.
4. Meet your child(ren) with empathy, compassion, kindness and understanding in any moment.
5. Sympathise with them if they are upset being left out of a game at school or if they are finding it hard to fit into a group of friends. Relay to them ‘I can understand that this must be really hard for you at the moment and I can see how upset you are feeling about this, this must really hurt …..’
6. Go to those painful places and moments with your child and normalise it for them. Explain to them what you physically feel in your body when fear, anxiety or panic is visiting you, describe the symptoms that you experience like faster breathing, quicker heart rate, sweating, feeling faint and so on.
7. Be a friend to your child(ren). Yes, we need to guide our children and teach them life lessons, but we can do that in a friendly, fun, encouraging, empowering and motivating way! It doesn’t have to be all ‘sergeant major’ and no fun! Relax, laugh, play and have fun in the present moment, their moment.

By Leona McDonnell Mindfulness and Wellness

Check out Dr Malie Coyne for more information on ‘A Compassionate Approach to Parenting your Anxious Child’ and on her newly released book Love in Love Out – http://drmaliecoyne.ie/

As published by The Celtic Media Group in The Anglo Celt, Connaught Telegraph, Meath Chronicle, Offaly Independent, Westmeath Examiner and Westmeath Independent newspapers w/c 5/10/2020)

A couple of words about ‘Good Enough’ or Mindful Parenting!!

#mindfulness #parenting #goodenough #children

I can always remember being young and continuously saying to my Dad, “Daddy, I can’t wait until I grow up and I have my Monday to Friday 9 to 5 job, until I earn my own money, have my own house, drive my own car, pay my own bills”. My Dad is a very wise man and his answer was always the same to me, “Leona, the years when you are young are the best days of your life, you have no responsibilities, no money worries, why would you want to wish them away?”

A very powerful and moving question. Why do so many of us look forward to growing up, to becoming an adult, to having more responsibilities in our own lives? Why do we wish our younger years, our childhood away? When did we all become so conditioned that being an adult is ‘fantastic’, is ‘excelling’, is the ‘desired place’ to be?

For so many of us, this conditioning is what has happened. As we progress from children to teenagers to young adults and on to perhaps parents and grandparents, we lose that precious connection, that amazing bond with our own inner selves, our inner child. We tend to get caught up in the seriousness of life, of the everyday stresses and strains, the finances, the worries, the health issues, the fears of the future, the ghosts and pains of the past. We can become very serious in ourselves. We often wade or float through any given day on complete autopilot, just going through the motions. We sometimes forget to or don’t feel that we can pause, that we smile, that we can laugh heartedly.

Sometimes, the ‘adultness’ and ‘seriousness’ of life is just so consuming that it completely hi-jacks us and it becomes all that we know. The memories of being care-free, of playing outside or in our imaginations, of embracing the aliveness and buzz of playing sports, of keeping fit and active, of being able to fight and argue with one another one minute and then literally kiss and make up the next and forget that any disagreement even happened in the first place, of just letting our imaginations take us to a place of pure happiness, of joy, of excitement, of creativity, of fun, gets completely lost and left behind as we transition into this ‘amazing’ stage of adulthood.

How many times have we been told or even told someone else to ‘grow up’ and ‘cop on’ when we were younger? When you think about this, how does ‘growing up and copping on’ like adult’s sound like the perfect scenario? Why do we always think that adults have got life so figured out, that we have all the answers and that we always know best?? If this is the case, then why are so many of us struggling to keep up with the pace of life? Why are we always looking for ways to self-help and self-heal? Why do we struggle so much to see the beauty and simplicity of life, of what life could be like, if we could just move our conditioned thoughts and minds over to make way for the happy and adventure filled lives that we could all have, if we just let ourselves?

This is where the importance of recognising, respecting, nurturing and caring for the inner child or the little me comes into play. As I work with adults and children, I get to witness first-hand the beauty and simplicity of how a child’s unconditioned mind works. In most cases, everything is very black or white for children, it either is or it isn’t. Whereas, with adults, we tend to create and get over-run by this grey area, nothing seems to be black or white anymore. But who makes it that way? Who creates all these what if’s and what but’s? We do, us adults and isn’t it our responsibility to be all grown up, to always know best and always have the ‘right’ answer?

Absolutely not!!! I learn the most in my life from my own children and from all the other children that I am blessed to work with. I love to watch how alive they are in their present moment. They have such an incredible ability to be fully present in their moment and to view and experience that very moment with pure curiosity, wonder and joy. They don’t get caught up in thinking ‘oh I really want to do a cart-wheel walking down the street but what if anyone see’s me?’. They simply live their desires, their impulses. They do that cartwheel and they don’t really care who sees them or what other people think. They simply feel the adrenaline and excitement of being alive in that very present moment.

As adults, we seem to have lost this ability. Our own inner child could be screaming so loud, that they need to have fun, to be set free, to be care-free, to laugh, to skip but our adult conditioned minds tells us that there is an email that needs to be sent, there’s a phone call that cannot wait to be made, there’s a load of washing to be hung out, there’s a dinner to be made. This is how the bond or connection with our inner child breaks down. Over time, our inner child gets tired of trying to be heard, to be recognised and nurtured. Just like a physical child would get tired of trying to get the attention of their busy parent or guardian and eventually stops trying to communicate and feels unwanted and unloved, our inner child can react the very same way.

I always ask people who I work with to imagine a physical child coming to you craving attention, seeking love, guidance, security, fun, a physical and loving hug or embrace. Would you push that physical child away and say “no, I’m too busy being an adult and being caught up in adult stuff?”. I cannot imagine that you would. I always explain that I would take this little child safely into my arms and hug and embrace them so securely and assure them that I will help them with whatever their need is at that time or any time. I would leave this little child feeling safe, loved, heard and secure in themselves and in me. I explain that this is how we need to visualise our own inner child. We need to create this safe, secure, loving and heard environment for our inner child too. We need to look after and nurture our inner child just like we would a physical child standing in front of us.

What is the worst that could happen? We might feel more connected and truer to ourselves? We might have some child like fun and innocence in life? We might be able to let go of some of the ‘adult’ worries and business that’s ‘so important’? We might actually experience the beauty and simplicity of every moment in our lives? We might start to experience the adrenaline and aliveness of having fun, of letting ourselves go, of laughing until our sides hurt, of getting down on the floor with our children, nieces, nephews, grandchildren and actually experience life from the most amazing and simple viewpoint?

I have learned to and love to be silly with my children and to try and have fun and play with them and it’s incredible. I can remember just recently the excitement and amusement in my children when I asked them if I could go on a ‘play date’ with them! They thought it was hilarious and had so much fun planning out the whole day! I made sure to ring my husband at work to tell him that I was going on a play date with the children and that I didn’t know what time I would be home at! The play date was organised by the children to consist of an afternoon of bouncing on the trampoline, pushing each other on the tyre swing, on the normal swings, lying on the grass watching the clouds pass by, snacks and Mr Freeze ice-pops, adventuring around the house inside and out! It was the best fun I have had in years! My own inner child was truly alive and so fun filled in those few hours. I never knew there were so many types of knee bounces, leg bounces, belly bounces, bum bounces and we laughed and bounced so hard that we were all running in and out to the toilet all afternoon!!

I have also learned to embrace the silliness and fun of my husband when he comes home from work and barks and howls with the dog as the children are laughing so hard. I find myself giggling as I listen to him being completely off the wall and silly with the children playing and messing! It is as much a release and engagement for him with his inner child as it is for the children’s enjoyment in the moment.

If there is one relationship that needs to be recognised, heard, nurtured and enhanced throughout life, it is definitely the relationship with your own inner child. This is the relationship that will keep you feeling alive, that will help you to let go of all the adult worries that we place upon ourselves. It will enable you to relight and burn brightly the amazing child like ability to just live, to just laugh, to be silly, to have fun and most importantly to just be you!!

Leona McDonnell

24-7-2020
By Leona Mc Donnell Mindfulness and Wellness