We have all heard the term a ‘cup of sunshine’ before or maybe we have even been asked ‘how do you fill your cup of sunshine?’ In my past, I always felt the concept was a bit cliché and didn’t really give it much thought. I kind of just had the outlook, you get up, get through another day, maybe not even laughing or smiling, just trying to keep up, you eat, you go to bed and then start the same saga again the very next day. What limiting and crippling thoughts these were of mine. How can anyone settle for just getting through another day, for just showing up, perhaps distracted, unresponsive, consumed by another world of heavy thoughts, experiences and a general lack of lustre for life?

As I started and adopted a Mindful approach to my everyday living over the last number of years, this concept of the ‘cup of sunshine’ became and now sits as a paramount ingredient to my every day, my every thought, my every action, to my overall life. I never really bothered to think about the concept ‘how can you pour from an empty cup?’ This is a slightly different scenario to the ‘is your glass half full or half empty’ concept as this scenario suggests that there is as much positivity and energy in the glass as there is negativity and exhaustion.

When we talk about pouring from your ‘cup of sunshine’, we talk about choosing the things that we want to fill our own individual cup up with so that we have not just enough, but an abundance of positivity, hope, love, care, energy, fun, laughter, support and ‘whole hearted life’ to pour to ourselves and to those who we wish to share our ‘cup of sunshine’ with. This is a critical key element of this concept. We learn to establish who deserves a share form our ‘cup of sunshine’, who we really want to give some of it to. We learn to stop letting others undeservedly and without permission drain our ‘cup of sunshine’ and perhaps steal something from us that was never meant for them.

So how do you fill your ‘cup of sunshine’? This is a question I am asked regularly. So many people feel so consumed by the general pace of living, by work/life balance or lack of, by the invasion of technology and social media into our lives. They can’t see how they could top up or restore their ‘cup of sunshine’. The question I always reply with is “but how do you expect to keep pouring from your cup if it’s depleted, if it’s just surviving from day to day, if it’s exhausted, overwhelmed, anxious, unable to find the space to take a break and just breathe”?

A lot of the time, people respond to this question by describing how they can’t find the time in their day to do something that ignites their passion and their soul, something that allows them to laugh until tears are strolling down their cheeks or until they can barely catch their breath in between hearty giggles, something that fills their mind, their body and emotions with a drive and gratitude for life. This sounds incredibly unbelievable? That in the 24 hours of life that we are gifted with each day we wake up from our sleep, that there is not even 5 minutes, 10 minutes or even 1 hour to embrace self-care, self-love and passion? Perhaps living with the opinion that ‘I don’t deserve the time for self-care, for exercise, for meditation, for laughing, for having fun, for living’.

I always ask “but why don’t you deserve this time, this space to refuel, to grow, to fill your ‘cup of sunshine’ full of the special and precious things to you in your life”? I explain that in order for us to be able to be our own best friend, to be loving, caring, compassionate and fun filled towards ourselves and others, it is critical to take the time for self-care. It is not selfish to take some time to meet friends, to go to the cinema, to go out for a nice meal, to visit family, to take a day or two off work, to buy those new runners or jeans, to join an exercise class, to swim, to walk, to run, to sleep, to listen to a meditation, to do yoga, to tend to your garden, to tell those in close quarters to you that you ‘need’ time for your repair, your recovery and your personal growth and expansion.

I can promise you from first-hand experience, when you learn to create this time for self-care, you will never go back!! You can work with those in your household to agree a plan so that each household or family member gets their down-time, their time to refill their ‘cup of sunshine’. You should always leave room in the plan for when someone in the household may be feeling sickly and need extra rest and recovery time or maybe is experiencing a challenging personal time and needs extra space and time for solitude and for self-care. It all works in swings and roundabouts!! It is also a fantastic way of being able to recognise when someone in your household is struggling a little and needs extra help and support. Therefore, it is so important that everyone works daily at keeping their ‘cup of sunshine’ topped up so that there is always an available source of love, protection and guidance on tap. How can you expect to support and give love and encouragement to anyone else if you don’t work daily at keeping your own ‘cup of sunshine’ topped up?

Realising the true value and utmost importance of this concept really was a game changer in my own life. I always say that when I’m energised, full of positivity, capable of letting go and laughing, being silly and having good old fun, my household is in pure bliss!! My husband, children and animals are all in great spirits and embrace the light heartedness of life. However, when my ‘cup of sunshine’ is depleted and I am tired, overwhelmed, in-patient, contrary and give out about little things, like the mess of the house, my household erupts!! My husband and children feel the negative energy and start to behave similarly to me, which creates so much unnecessary stress, tension and upset in the house. I even find that the animals become more needy, following me around and constantly looking for food!!

Topping up your ‘cup of sunshine’ really does work. We are all only human, we are not robots, we need to be able to have fun, do things that make us feel really alive but we also need time to rest, restore and renew. Taking time out for ourselves is not selfish, is not ridiculous, is not a waste of time. Creating a precious space and time in our own daily lives for self-care and for doing whatever it is that’s helps to top up our ‘cup of sunshine’ is one of the most responsible and rewarding things you can do for yourself and for those close to you. You will create a deeper awareness and connection to your soul and what it desires to feel truly alive.

So, the question remains, ‘how do you fill up your cup of sunshine?’

Leona McDonnell

By Leona McDonnell Mindfulness and Wellness_28-6-2020

(As Published in The Westmeath Examiner newspaper on 7-7-2020 and in the The Anglo Celt and The Meath Chronicle newspapers on 8-7-2020)

When you think about it, we are all born with a heart which starts to beat very early on in our mother’s womb. From this second onwards, we have the ability to live, to love, to feel empathy and to give and receive kindness and compassion. Our beating hearts keep us alive every single second of every day of life that we are gifted with. They act like the engine room on a ship, a very large, complicated and intricate ship. Just like this engine room on the ship, our heart controls every element of our existence.

We are all gifted with lungs to breathe. Some of us are blessed with two lungs, some with one lung, some with perfectly healthy lungs, some with compromised lungs. Our lungs provide us with essential air and life force every second of every day. Without our lungs, we cannot breathe the oxygen that our body needs to survive. How many of us actually stop and think about what our heart and lungs do for us minute by minute? Some of us do, some of us don’t. We don’t need to as they beat and breathe independently every day. Thankfully, this is the case! If we had to remember to breathe every second to stay alive, we would all be in trouble! Our minds continuously wander and get distracted by life in general, so it would be a difficult task to remember to breathe in order to stay alive. Another question; how many of us express gratitude for these special gifts of life? How many of us view ourselves as being blessed with life every day that we experience our hearts beating and lungs breathing independently?

So essentially, with just these two functioning elements, we already have everything we need within us to stay alive. We can apply the same concept to our thoughts, emotions and feelings. With the fast paced era we are used to living in, so many of us have forgotten, or maybe never realised in the first place, that we can pause, we can connect with ourselves and that we all have control and choices over how we want to live our lives.

This is the fundamental aspect that I lost control over when I was in the depth of my own anxiety and at the mercy of my increasingly destructive thoughts and mind. I felt like I was being continually chased by a dark shadow whom I feared desperately. I didn’t quite know why this shadow was chasing me, but I never wanted to hang around to find out. I was
continually searching and seeking for that ‘professional person’ or ‘practice’ that would ‘fix me’ and help me to feel less invaded by my own thoughts and mind. I never thought for one second that I could in fact be that ‘professional person’ and that I could go on to carve, shape and implement my journey of healing and recovery.

It wasn’t until I started to practice Mindfulness, Meditation and Yoga that I learnt to rest in the uncomfortable space my mind and body was in. I learnt how to be patient with every feeling of panic, with every debilitating fearful thought, with the numerous tears of anxiety, depression and sadness that I shed. I learnt how to treat my mind, my emotions and my physical body like I would treat my very best friend. I also learnt how to soothe and comfort myself instead of ripping myself apart.

The more I developed my own Mindfulness and Meditation practice, the more freedom and space came into my mind and body. I felt calmer, more able to cope with life’s daily demands, less panicky about the normal ups and downs of health, family, work and life in general. I felt I developed more control over my reactions to life’s stimuli. This just happened the more I adopted a mindful approach to living.

As time went on, I realised that I had so many of the resources I needed for my own recovery and daily life inside of my body. I developed a strength in knowing and in using my breath as my anchor to relieve stress, anxiety, fear and panic. I used simple breathing techniques to slow down my heart rate and to slow down and relax my breathing rhythm. Daily Meditation, even for just 10 minutes, helped to create a calm space in my mind and body. Mostly, I would just sit in a quiet room, in my own presence, listening to and connecting with my own breath.

I found that using these internal resources helped me to increase the volume of tools in my mindful toolbox. I discovered that engaging my breathing effectively during each day, particularly at times of heightened stress and anxiety, created a feeling as if someone had opened the valve of a balloon and let some much-needed air release outwards. It took so much pressure out of that balloon. Using daily Meditation became my new ‘rest and restore’. Before this, at some of my lowest points, I found it hard to get through the day without having to sleep for at least an hour. I was exhausted and felt I needed this rest time for recovery. But the more I meditated in the quietness and stillness of my own breath and heartbeat, the more rested I felt and as if I had slept for hours. It gave me a new sense and feeling of empowered energy and zest for life.

The most powerful point in my life was the realisation that ‘EVERYTHING I need is already WITHIN me’. This realisation came only when I stripped back my whole life, when I assessed every element and part of my life. This included determining which parts of my life were working for me and which parts were slowly destroying me. I became personally empowered with the ability to have so much control and choice over my health and well-being and of how I wanted to pursue forward in my life.

I soon realised that all I need in my life is for my heart to beat and my lungs to breathe. Every day that this happens independently is a joyous day and a reason to celebrate and express immense gratitude. Anything else in my life after these gifts are a bonus to be blessed with. I
became confident in the practice of using my breath as the gateway to the life of calm, peace, serenity, fun and laughter that I was continuously chasing for the previous 10-15 years.

Once we have the foundations and core of our existence functioning, these being our beating heart and our breathing lungs, which in turn operate the other systems in our bodies, everything else can be determined by our own choices, by our own power, by our own internal strength and abilities. This realisation is truly life transforming. Having a set of coping techniques in our mindful toolbox is incredible. You can constantly add to your existing internal resources by building up your mindful tools, which you always have access to . You don’t even have to remember to bring them with you! You have your coping techniques internally to use at any given moment and particularly during stressful and anxious times.

The feeling of no longer needing to find somebody else to ‘fix you’ is incredible. The safety in the knowledge that you don’t need to ‘fix yourself’ is truly empowering. You can adopt a mindful approach to living that will help you to live alongside whatever shadows are chasing you. The shadows will become less frightening and more manageable. Developing and nurturing a deep sense of internal resilience and stable strength will empower and encourage you beyond your expectations.

Once you start to believe, practice and instil the belief that ‘EVERYTHING you need is already WITHIN you’, you will experience immense internal and external courage, strength and gratitude that can help you to become the very best version of yourself!

Leona McDonnell

(Published in the Westmeath Examiner on 12/5/2020 and The Meath Chronicle and The Anglo Celt on 13/5/2020)