self love – Leona McDonnell Mindfulness and Wellness

Soothing my Soul

Leona McDonnell — Fri, 14 Jul 2023 19:50:24 +0000

The level of planning, preparing and effort that went into getting this 20 minutes to sit and read a book, by myself (well nearly by myself as the children were playing in the sand in front of me!!) was CRAZY!!!

My husband snapped this shot of me as I fully immersed myself in this moment and wrapped myself in my own cocoon of repair and restore as I got lost in this wonderful book, which I would highly recommend, called Underwater by Claire Walsh!

Why do we struggle so much in expressing our need for our own time and finding the space to get it?

The answer is probably very simple …. GUILT and LACK OF TIME. Doesn’t so much of our lives and how we choose to live them come down to these two elements? There will always be something more important to do or places to go or errands to run than actually allowing ourselves to sit, in our own company and do whatever it is that soothes and ignites our soul …. RIGHT?

100% Wrong!!

It is CRITICAL that we all create, find and take time to connect to ourselves, to our souls, to our likes and loves every day! We NEED to find and nourish the parts of ourselves that we may feel disconnected from or that we may have lost somewhere along the road of childhood to adulthood or particularly as some of us may have become parents in our journey or are perhaps caring for elderly or sickly parents.

As a mum of three children myself, the struggle to gift myself a little bit of my own time is so real. It can be extremely overwhelming at times being blessed with the incredible opportunity to look after and guide these precious young people in their lives, especially without a parenting manual guide on how to do it!!!! The constant questioning and guilt that we can feel as parents and especially as mothers about putting ourselves before our little one’s can be very intense. But yet, if you listen to the safety instructions on board an aeroplane before take-off, it is recommended that parents, guardians or carers ‘fit their own oxygen masks first in the case of an emergency’ so that they are better able to help those that are in their care. Makes complete sense but so many of us would probably try to do the exact opposite in such an emergency and can’t seem to apply this rationale in our everyday living either. We tend to make sure that everyone else has enough air and oxygen and whatever else it is that they need before we do. Where do you think this will end up??

This is why it is imperative that we don’t get lost or defined in any of the roles that we play in our lives and that we do whatever we need to do to ensure that we lively truly, happily and wholly and that we show up and be present and understanding to the best of our own individual ability, while still feeling that we are a recognisable and loving part of ourselves!

My question to you???

What are you going to do today to help to ‘Soothe and Ignite your Soul’???

To leave you with a beautiful and inspiring quote by Michael Singer from his incredible book 'The Untethered Soul':

The truth is, everything will be okay as soon as you are okay with everything. And that's the only time everything will be okay.

Michael Singer, The Untethered Soul

A ‘hybrid model’ of self motivation and fulfilment

Leona McDonnell — Wed, 19 Jan 2022 12:46:11 +0000

In recent years and in today’s constant, busy, erratic world, everything seems to be getting faster, fitter, more efficient, more effective, more robotic, more automated. It really does seem that there is a new era of this ‘hybrid’ mode of living dawning upon us all. Everything has to perform at the optimum level possible!!!

But is this really the way we want to live our lives? What ever happened to gently working towards our life purpose, our family, our homes, our jobs, our future hopes and aspirations while living wholly and presently in our daily lives? How did the simple mode of working hard and honestly but at a healthy, sustainable pace, allowing room and time for rest, repair and recovery get so lost along the way? How did we enter an ‘all or nothing’ way of living?

That used to be me. I used to push myself to the highest of levels in everything that I did. I had to be the best. I had to get the best exam results, study the hardest, work the longest hours, push my exercise and fitness to limits of exhaustion, sleep little, move fast, while competing against ‘nobody other than myself’. Needless to say, this erratic way of living and behaviour towards myself resulted in mental, emotional and physical illness that railroaded me for over 3 years.

So what was the lesson to learn? It was simple! In order to work hard, to become more efficient and effective, to push myself out of my comfort zone, to achieve my hopes and dreams, I had to ‘take my foot off the pedal’, ‘to slow down’ and ‘retract inwards’, towards my heart and soul. I had to become ‘my own inner coach’, I had to unfriend my inner critic who bullied me for so long and who was constantly pushing me to levels unsustainable to my mental, emotional and physical health.

Once I started ‘my new hybrid way of living’, of understanding, listening to, empowering and motivating myself, I started to feel more fulfilled in every ounce of my mind, body and heart than I did in my whole life! I became alive and present. I learned to accept and love myself from the inside out. I had to do as Brené Brown describes as:

“Let go of who you think you’re supposed to be; embrace who you are”

By be-friending, loving and caring for ourselves like we would for someone that we love, we are gifting ourselves the key to set free our true selves, our souls. We are rejoicing to ourselves that ‘we are enough’ and that we deserve to be treated with kindness and affection just as much as anybody else. I really feel that is the secret and most precious ingredient needed to live a happy, healthy, peaceful and fulfilled life.

A life where we can easily motivate and empower ourselves through love and kindness instead of aggression and critical thoughts and words. I believe that way of caring for and nurturing ourselves is a new type of ‘hybrid model’ in the world of positive mental and emotional health and is the one model that has the potential for ‘endless opportunities’ and ‘creating a new era of positivity, love and kindness’. As beautifully described by Shauna Shapiro:

“The key to change is recognising that shame, judgement, and perfection don’t work. When we self-judge, when we put pressure on ourselves, and when we get lost in self-criticism it actually inhibits the brain from learning”

HOW TO ACCEPT, EMBRACE AND SELF-MOTIVATE YOURSELF TO FULFILMENT

Every morning, upon waking, gently place a hand on your heart and say to yourself, “Good morning, I love you”.
While getting ready for your day ahead, take 1 minute to make direct eye contact with yourself in the mirror and say out loud, “I respect you, I am proud of you, today you will do your best and your best is enough”.
During your day, consciously remind yourself to ‘check-in’ with your mind, body and heart. Keep asking yourself, “what can I do in this moment to help myself to feel better?”
Gift yourself with small mindful moments, time to pause, notice and breathe during your day and time to connect with nature.
Every night before going to sleep, gently place a hand on your heart and say to yourself “thank you for everything that you have done for me today. Thank you for helping me to nurture and care for myself, for gifting myself with time to rest, repair and recover, for gently encouraging and motivating myself to fulfil my hopes and dreams in a beautiful kind, caring, loving and friendly manner towards myself. Thank you for being enough”.

Thank you as always to Brian O’Loughlin at The Westmeath Examiner and his team at Celtic Media Group (https://www.anglocelt.ie/, https://www.con-telegraph.ie/, https://www.meathchronicle.ie/, https://www.offalyindependent.ie/, https://www.westmeathexaminer.ie/ and https://www.westmeathindependent.ie/ for all their wonderful help!

As published by The Celtic Media Group 15/01/2022

This is YOUR story and YOU are in charge of each chapter!

Leona McDonnell — Wed, 05 Jan 2022 11:40:26 +0000

Another year has past and we now find ourselves at the beginning of a new year, a blank slate, endless opportunities, hopes, dreams, personal and/or career aspirations or maybe nothing at all. Maybe, it’s just another day and you are happy to be alive and to have made it through another year. There are no rules, we are all uniquely individual!

As we close off 2021, it’s so easy to get caught in the trap of demeaning and degrading ourselves, of feeling a sense of failure or disappointment, as perhaps we didn’t quite achieve or carry out some of the things that we would have liked to during the year. This sense of failure and inadequacy can set a really challenging tone and presence as we try to move forward and in being able to feel motivated, empowered and excited to be starting into a fresh new year ahead.

But one of things I love and we can forget is that ‘we are all in charge of our own story, the content of its chapters and the ending’. No matter what has happened to us in the past, or whatever might happen to us in the future, we ultimately have the power to choose how we want to live our lives and how we want to respond to any life stressors. We have so much more influence and insight into our own life stories and of how we want them to play out than we may realise. In the words of quotesgram.com:

“At any moment, you have the POWER to say this is NOT how the story is going to END”

I feel that by allowing ourselves to carry our hurts, pains or grievances forward, we are allowing ourselves to dampen the creativity, light and love in our hearts and souls. If you stop and think about it, when we breathe, it is not possible to take another breath in before letting the last breath go! It is physically impossible!

So in terms of our thinking, why do we find it so hard to ‘LET GO’? One reason may be that we don’t know how to actually allow or help our mind and body to do this. We may not know how to give ourselves permission to set ourselves free of our burdens and to allow ourselves to live more happily, safely and peaceful in the present moment.

So why not make a commitment to yourself TODAY that you will ‘let go’ of anything that is not serving you well, anything that is not aligned with ‘your story’? Why not embrace your individuality, your uniqueness, everything that makes you the person that you are today?

Not the person that you were yesterday and not the person that you want to be tomorrow, just the person you are NOW in this very moment. Why not take ownership of how you want your story to be written this new year ahead? Don’t let anyone else hold the pen, be in charge of what you want to put into your life story and what you would like to take out of it!

Make a commitment to yourself to surround yourself with only people who will help you to raise your vibrational level, that will help to lift you higher than you could lift yourself and that will not pull you down!!

HOW TO TAKE OWNERSHIP OF YOUR OWN STORY

Here are some tips on how you can take ownership of your ‘own story’ and how you can ‘let go’ of anything that you do not want to see in its chapters:

Every morning, upon wakening, express thankfulness for being alive and for everything that you DO have in your life. Focus on your blessings rather than on the things that you don’t have.
As thoughts, worries or negativities arise in your day, ask yourself, “is this thought, worry or negativity helpful in this exact moment?” 99% of the time, the answer will be NO! Then affirm to yourself, “I give myself permission to disconnect from this thought, worry or negativity NOW and I WILL NOT ALLOW myself to become consumed by it”.
Bring your attention to your breath and consciously take three nourishing self-care breaths, in and out. If you find it difficult to focus on your breath, bring your attention to your feet and where they connect to the earth beneath you. Feel yourself becoming anchored and increasingly present in your moment.
Take a few moments after doing this practice and notice how the intensity of the original stressor has subsided and how you chose not to let it catapult itself into the writing of your story!

We are all beautifully unique and individual

As published by The Celtic Media Group w/c 01/01/2022

An outer ‘no’ is ok to help you protect your inner self

Leona McDonnell — Wed, 22 Dec 2021 11:22:04 +0000

“Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves even when we risk disappointing others”

(Brené Brown)

What a beautiful quote by Brené Brown in relation to our personal boundaries. Setting boundaries is something that can be so important for us all in many respects. It can be important for us to seal or fence off our homes, so that our external boundaries are set and laid out for everyone to see where our personal space starts and where the line occurs for someone to enter into that space.

Boundaries can be just as important in terms of our own mental, emotional and physical space. I feel that it is essential that we all individually establish our own personal boundaries so that we and others know what is acceptable or unacceptable in our personal lives.

This is something I struggled with for a long time. As an empath and an energy worker, it is in my nature to always want to help, fix and heal everybody and everything! I struggled so much in being able to say ‘no’ to people who may have been asking something of me even if I wasn’t in full health myself and in turn I would have been left feeling depleted or energetically drained as a result of ‘not listening’ to my own inner warning alarms.

It is a difficult task to start to respectfully listen to and hear your own inner voice and its guidance and wisdom. It takes a lot of courage to start to clearly define your own personal internal and external boundaries in order to protect and nurture your own health and wellbeing. I slowly learned that ‘saying an outer ‘NO’ is saying and inner ‘YES’ and that it is ok to do this, without feeling selfish or uncaring. A quote I love to illustrate this is:

“Boundaries are not meant to control others, they are meant to be used as guidelines for you to know what is acceptable and what is not in your life”

(sherylgriffin.com)

When we talk about boundaries in the context of mental health and well-being, it can be things like your personal lifestyle choices, your circle of family and friends, your beliefs and values and how much of yourself that you define as acceptable to invest into any of these areas on a daily basis.

It is about being able to identity and outline where your own cut off points are once your own defined boundary line is reached. When I started to establish my personal boundaries in every aspect of my life, I did feel selfish and uncaring, particularly when it came to downsizing my close/support circle of family and friends, but as time went on, I learned and felt that defining these boundaries was the best gift I could ever have given myself. It was a way of protecting myself, my energy, my beliefs and values and it enabled me to live alongside likeminded people. As so beautifully put by Mandy Hale:

“It is necessary, and even vital, to set standards for your life and the people you allow in it”

Let’s look at what a boundary is: “a definite place where your responsibility ends and another person’s begins. It stops you from doing things for others that they should do for themselves” (trans4mind.com).

It is easy to see the importance of setting up physical boundaries in our external lives, such as fencing, hedging, gates, separate entrances and so on. It is more difficult to see the importance of setting up our internal or non-tangible boundaries so that we protect our inner selves, so that we don’t let others deplete and drain us by crossing over our boundary points.

Now let’s look at what a boundary does: “a boundary also prevents you from rescuing someone from the consequences of their destructive behaviour that they need to experience in order to grow” (trans4mind.com).

So in effect, setting up your own internal and external boundaries is imperative for everyone involved. It helps to set clearly defined guidelines of what’s acceptable or unacceptable behaviour in your life. It helps to protect all parties involved from each other and helps to alleviate any confusion about your expectations.

An empowering thought to leave you with:

“Boundaries
I allow myself to set healthy boundaries
To say no to what does not align with my values
To say yes to what does
Boundaries assist me to remain healthy, honest and living a life that is true to me”

(simpleeserene.com)

HOW TO IDENTIFY AND ESTABLISH YOUR PERSONAL INTERNAL BOUNDARIES:

Create a space in your day where you can quietly connect with your mind and body so that you can hear what your soul wants you to know.

2. Close your eyes if you wish. Sit quietly and take 5 regulating breaths, in through your nose and out through your mouth (if possible, if not just breathe in your own regular rhythm while focusing your attention on your feet resting on the floor).

3. As you continue to relax into the moment, place one hand over your heart chakra (your centre of compassion, empathy, love and forgiveness) and the other hand over your solar plexus chakra (which regulates personality, ego, identity, personal freedom, choice and authenticity, located in the upper tummy above the belly button and below the diaphragm).

4. Now ask your soul, what do you want me to know in this moment? How can I protect my personal internal space? How can I establish my personal internal boundaries?

5. Carefully listen to any thoughts, visions or feelings that you may experience in this moment. This is your soul communicating to you what you need to know. This is your gut instinct and it will never let you down.

6. Continue to breathe in your own natural rhythm while purposely letting go and releasing into the moment. Continue to ask for guidance on any area of your life that needs structure and boundaries. Carefully listen to and tune into your body so that you can hear the guidance from your inner self.

7. When you are ready, open your eyes if you had them closed and let go of this practice. Feel the flow of courage, self-love and self-respect flow through you as you start to establish and define your internal boundaries and respect your inner soul.

Setting boundaries is an act of self-love and self-care

As published by The Celtic Media Group w/c 5/4/2021