HOW TO ACCEPT, EMBRACE AND SELF-MOTIVATE YOURSELF TO FULFILMENT

(Sonia Choquette)

This is a very powerful question, “what does my body NEED right now?” But it’s also a very difficult question to answer as it requires being able to quiet the chatter of your mind and to learn how to deeply listen to the whispers of your soul. I ask myself this question most days, particularly on the tougher days and really listen for the answers, as I have learned the hard way that the body is a temple, what we put in, we get out and it deserves to be treated with tenderness, care, kindness, understanding and love.

It seems that over the last few decades, we are being conditioned to just keep going, to keep pushing on with life, with work, with family, without taking much time to consider the effect of this erratic and demanding way of living on our bodies. I personally have never been taught (before introducing Mindfulness, Kindness and Compassion into my life) to praise my body, to listen to my body and to its subtle or not so subtle signs and messages that it continuously sends to my heart and soul. Before this, I would have found it absurd to actually ask my body what it ‘NEEDS’ in any moment and even more absurd to listen and hear the responses to this question, until I learned the importance and power of doing just this!

So why do we find self-love, self-care, self-compassion and self-kindness for our bodies or indeed our minds so difficult? I guess it’s because, it can be a daunting and unfamiliar experience to turn ‘WITHIN’ ourselves, to tune into the fine frequencies deep within our hearts and souls. It can be uncomfortable for many of us to get to know our ‘true selves’, our ‘true souls’ as we are so used to just making and pushing our bodies to perform, to operate, to live. It takes courage to confront, to calm, quieten and disconnect from the stories and uncertainties that our minds will always try to convince us of. A quote I love to illustrate this is:

“Go inside and listen to your body, because your body will never lie to you. Your mind will play tricks, but the way you feel in your heart, in your guts, is the truth”

(Miguel Ruiz)

So what can we expect to hear back from our body when we ask it ‘what it NEEDS right now?’ The most common replies will most likely be sleep, better rest times, balanced nutrition, water, exercise, quiet time to rest your mind, time to spend with family and friends, time to spend in nature, time to connect with and care for ourselves and others. I feel that by continuously checking in with and tuning into our body and granting it whatever it is that it truly needs in any moment, we can live a more balanced life in the mind, body and soul. We can learn how to delicately protect our body by honouring it through active listening and therefore, we can prevent it from getting to a stage where we crack, we break, we fall apart as we are burned out. A quote to illustrate this is:

“If you listen to your body when it whispers, you won’t have to hear it scream”

(Project Happiness)

Once you learn the art of connecting with and listening deeply to your body and its messages and signals, the next part of the process is to learn to honour your body by letting go of all the pressures we regularly put on ourselves, the demands, the expectations and just ‘grant’ your body whatever it is that it needs. This is by far the hardest part because it requires making space and time in your day, in your life, for self-care and respect, in what ever shape or form that works for you. But this is the most magical part of the equation! As you listen more to what your body is telling you and as you actively implement its suggestions, you are honouring and taking care of yourself on a deep, personal, intimate level and your body will respond by helping you to feel empowered, energised, compassionate and deeply connected to your soul and you will be able to live more peacefully, with inner calmness and an enriched and nourished respect for your amazing body!

A thought to leave you with:

“Take Care
Rest your mind to stay healthy
Rest your brain to think positive
Rest your soul to keep your body alive”

(Diya)

How to ASK, LISTEN TO and RESPECT ‘what your body NEEDS right now’:

The following is a guide on how to ASK, LISTEN TO and RESPECT ‘what your body NEEDS right now’:

• During the normal moments of your day, form the habit of asking yourself ‘what does my body NEED right now?‘
• Listen intently and notice any guidance or signs that your body may send you in response. If you feel that something is not working for you at the moment, this is your ‘gut instinct’, your ‘soul’ communicating with you. You just need to really tune in and listen.
• Be courageous and respectful in granting your body whatever it is that it needs in any moment. If it is sleep, then make time to take an extra rest in your day or to go to bed earlier. If it is better food choices, tune into how the foods you eat make you feel. If it is fresh air, make time to spend some time outdoors.
• Notice any signs or signals from your body that you may be overloaded, you may be under too much stress and pressure. Your body may need you to do absolutely nothing, to just let yourself be as you are in your moment. If this is the case, trust that you are enough and grant your body what it needs.
• Express appreciation to your body for the incredible work it does to keep you alive every day. Develop a deep and nurtured connection with your body so that you can hear the whispers of your soul.

Noticing and tuning into the beauty in nature

Thank you as always to Brian O’Loughlin at The Westmeath Examiner and his team at Celtic Media Group (https://www.anglocelt.ie/, https://www.con-telegraph.ie/, https://www.meathchronicle.ie/, https://www.offalyindependent.ie/, https://www.westmeathexaminer.ie/ and https://www.westmeathindependent.ie/ for all their wonderful help!

As published by The Celtic Media Group w/c 22/2/2021

(Brené Brown)

What a beautiful quote by Brené Brown in relation to our personal boundaries. Setting boundaries is something that can be so important for us all in many respects. It can be important for us to seal or fence off our homes, so that our external boundaries are set and laid out for everyone to see where our personal space starts and where the line occurs for someone to enter into that space.

Boundaries can be just as important in terms of our own mental, emotional and physical space. I feel that it is essential that we all individually establish our own personal boundaries so that we and others know what is acceptable or unacceptable in our personal lives.

This is something I struggled with for a long time. As an empath and an energy worker, it is in my nature to always want to help, fix and heal everybody and everything! I struggled so much in being able to say ‘no’ to people who may have been asking something of me even if I wasn’t in full health myself and in turn I would have been left feeling depleted or energetically drained as a result of ‘not listening’ to my own inner warning alarms.

It is a difficult task to start to respectfully listen to and hear your own inner voice and its guidance and wisdom. It takes a lot of courage to start to clearly define your own personal internal and external boundaries in order to protect and nurture your own health and wellbeing. I slowly learned that ‘saying an outer ‘NO’ is saying and inner ‘YES’ and that it is ok to do this, without feeling selfish or uncaring. A quote I love to illustrate this is:

“Boundaries are not meant to control others, they are meant to be used as guidelines for you to know what is acceptable and what is not in your life”

(sherylgriffin.com)

When we talk about boundaries in the context of mental health and well-being, it can be things like your personal lifestyle choices, your circle of family and friends, your beliefs and values and how much of yourself that you define as acceptable to invest into any of these areas on a daily basis.

It is about being able to identity and outline where your own cut off points are once your own defined boundary line is reached. When I started to establish my personal boundaries in every aspect of my life, I did feel selfish and uncaring, particularly when it came to downsizing my close/support circle of family and friends, but as time went on, I learned and felt that defining these boundaries was the best gift I could ever have given myself. It was a way of protecting myself, my energy, my beliefs and values and it enabled me to live alongside likeminded people. As so beautifully put by Mandy Hale:

“It is necessary, and even vital, to set standards for your life and the people you allow in it”

Let’s look at what a boundary is: “a definite place where your responsibility ends and another person’s begins. It stops you from doing things for others that they should do for themselves” (trans4mind.com).

It is easy to see the importance of setting up physical boundaries in our external lives, such as fencing, hedging, gates, separate entrances and so on. It is more difficult to see the importance of setting up our internal or non-tangible boundaries so that we protect our inner selves, so that we don’t let others deplete and drain us by crossing over our boundary points.

Now let’s look at what a boundary does: “a boundary also prevents you from rescuing someone from the consequences of their destructive behaviour that they need to experience in order to grow” (trans4mind.com).

So in effect, setting up your own internal and external boundaries is imperative for everyone involved. It helps to set clearly defined guidelines of what’s acceptable or unacceptable behaviour in your life. It helps to protect all parties involved from each other and helps to alleviate any confusion about your expectations.

An empowering thought to leave you with:

“Boundaries
I allow myself to set healthy boundaries
To say no to what does not align with my values
To say yes to what does
Boundaries assist me to remain healthy, honest and living a life that is true to me”

(simpleeserene.com)

HOW TO IDENTIFY AND ESTABLISH YOUR PERSONAL INTERNAL BOUNDARIES:

1. Create a space in your day where you can quietly connect with your mind and body so that you can hear what your soul wants you to know.

2. Close your eyes if you wish. Sit quietly and take 5 regulating breaths, in through your nose and out through your mouth (if possible, if not just breathe in your own regular rhythm while focusing your attention on your feet resting on the floor).

3. As you continue to relax into the moment, place one hand over your heart chakra (your centre of compassion, empathy, love and forgiveness) and the other hand over your solar plexus chakra (which regulates personality, ego, identity, personal freedom, choice and authenticity, located in the upper tummy above the belly button and below the diaphragm).

4. Now ask your soul, what do you want me to know in this moment? How can I protect my personal internal space? How can I establish my personal internal boundaries?

5. Carefully listen to any thoughts, visions or feelings that you may experience in this moment. This is your soul communicating to you what you need to know. This is your gut instinct and it will never let you down.

6. Continue to breathe in your own natural rhythm while purposely letting go and releasing into the moment. Continue to ask for guidance on any area of your life that needs structure and boundaries. Carefully listen to and tune into your body so that you can hear the guidance from your inner self.

7. When you are ready, open your eyes if you had them closed and let go of this practice. Feel the flow of courage, self-love and self-respect flow through you as you start to establish and define your internal boundaries and respect your inner soul.

Thank you as always to Brian O’Loughlin at The Westmeath Examiner and his team at Celtic Media Group (https://www.anglocelt.ie/, https://www.con-telegraph.ie/, https://www.meathchronicle.ie/, https://www.offalyindependent.ie/, https://www.westmeathexaminer.ie/ and https://www.westmeathindependent.ie/ for all their wonderful help!

As published by The Celtic Media Group w/c 5/4/2021

(Jon Kabat-Zinn)

‘Beginners Mind’, is a concept derived by Jon Kabat-Zinn and it is one of the essential attitudes or elements to Mindfulness. By far, I feel that it is one of the trickiest attitudes of Mindfulness to integrate into your daily living but it is definitely one of the most life changing and liberating attitudes when you do!

Living with a ‘Beginners Mind’ approach to everything you do means that you allow yourself to live each moment of your life as if it is the first time you are seeing, hearing, feeling, moving, working in the very moment that you are in. In theory, this is very true, as each moment and experience we have lived are now in our past, they are now gone, we can’t touch them anymore and each moment we have yet to live or experience are in our future, they have not yet happened nor are they guaranteed to happen.

This is a very liberating way of living your life, as you purposely choose to detach yourself from any of your mental, emotional or physical experiences and responses from your past and also from any preconceived or expected outcomes that you may have generated about your future. This in turn helps to switch off the activation of the stored memories and experiences in the hippocampus part of our brain and helps to engage the pre-frontal cortex in our brain, which helps us to make better, more informed, regulated responses and choices in any moment.

Thus, the sky’s the limit, possibilities are endless! You are setting yourself free from any fears, worries, anxieties or traumas that you may have experienced in your past and you are giving yourself liberated space and freedom to just live in the moment. You can then experience whatever it is you are doing, without all the negative and fearful chatter and critic in your mind and live as if it is the first time you are doing it, because it actually is the first time you are doing it in this moment!

This way of living does require awareness and commitment from you, so that you can catch the activation of your past experiences and intercept them before they determine how you ‘think’ your day or experience is going to turn out, based on your stored memories and sensations from your past experiences. A quote I love to illustrate this is:

“Be willing to be a beginner every single morning”.

(Meister Eckhart)

For example, I am not a keen flyer so when a family wedding arose abroad a few years back, the first thing that happened me when I heard about it was my fears and anxieties from previous flying experiences, deeply stored in the hippocampus part of my brain, activated and paralysed me with similar fear I felt in the past. I didn’t feel I could take the flight because of my past worries and experiences. But when I started to prime and condition my brain with a ‘Beginners Mind’ attitude, that being that I had never taken ‘this flight, on this day, to this place’ before and that I had no way of scripting or predicting how this flight would turn out as it hadn’t yet happened, I found the mental, emotional and physical strength to take this flight and to remain very calm, while engaging my regulating breathing practice. This was a changing point in my life, as I freed myself from my own mind and what it ‘wanted’ me to believe. I just lived in the very moment, second by second and it was all ok!

Another quote I absolutely love in relation to ‘Beginners Mind’ and find very empowering is:

“For things to reveal themselves to us, we need to be ready to abandon our views about them”.

(Thich Nhat Hanh)

I always say that I learn some of the most important life lessons from watching and listening to my own children and the children that I work with. All children have the most incredible ability to be present in their moment, to see the natural beauty and awe of each moment they experience. As quoted by ‘Katrina Mayer’, “there’s joy and wonder everywhere when you see the world through the eyes of a child”. They allow themselves the freedom to laugh, play, notice, be curious and just experience their moment to the full. This is what ‘Beginners Mind’ is all about!!! Allow these precious little humans to teach you this amazing and fulfilling way of living your life every day!

A thought to leave you with:

“Children naturally live in the moment and they allow that moment to be what it is; magical and beautiful in every way”.

(April Peerless)

HOW TO ADOPT AN ATTITUDE OF ‘BEGINNERS MIND’ INTO YOUR DAILY LIVING

The following is a guide on how to adopt an attitude of ‘Beginners Mind’ into your daily living:

1. Upon awakening every morning, affirm to yourself that ‘this’ day is a ‘new day’ and that you have not yet lived or experienced it.

2. Commit and allow yourself the mental, emotional and physical space and freedom to live and experience each moment of your day through the ‘eyes of a child’, full of wonder, awe, natural beauty an excitement. See the lighter side of life!

3. When past experiences and memories start to activate and hi-jack you, take 3 regulating breaths, in through the nose and out through the mouth (if possible) to anchor yourself back to your present moment experience.

4. While anchored back to your present moment experience, affirm to yourself that this is the ‘first time’ you are in this moment, in this exact moment of time, and continue to use your breath or your senses to help you to live liberally in your moment.

5. Notice the beauty and simplicity of nature – flowers, plants, shrubs and trees start to bud in Spring bringing a beautiful, simple but yet powerful and innocent hope of new life dawning in each new day, just being present and fully embracing the present moment experience!

Thank you as always to Brian O’Loughlin at The Westmeath Examiner and his team at Celtic Media Group (https://www.anglocelt.ie/, https://www.con-telegraph.ie/, https://www.meathchronicle.ie/, https://www.offalyindependent.ie/, https://www.westmeathexaminer.ie/ and https://www.westmeathindependent.ie/ for all their wonderful help!

As published by The Celtic Media Group w/c 15/02/2021

Needless to say, it is very annoying and a continuous focus point as the pebble moves around in my boot and as I feel it under my foot. I can hear you scream, ‘just take your boot off and shake it out’ or ‘get a new pair of boots’! But I usually walk on with the ‘uncomfortable’ stone in my shoe and let me tell you why.

I use the sensation of this pebble in my shoe as a continuous anchor to the moment that I am in, as I walk along. I bring my awareness to the pebble as I stop and bang my foot on the ground to try and move the pebble to a more comfortable position under my foot. This sensation always creates a recognition and consciousness in me, that sometimes, this uncomfortable physical sensation, can be similar to how it feels to ‘walk’ or ‘move’ through daily life while perhaps living with anxieties, fears, traumas, grief, regrets, hopes, dreams, aspirations. These common elements of life can be so disruptive as we experience them and they can have the potential to railroad us, to create an unbearable or incomprehensible mountain for us to climb in our daily living. The ‘stone in the shoe’ can be more difficult to live with than overcoming or living alongside anxieties, fears, trauma, grief and even conquering your life’s goals and ambitions.

As quoted by ‘Muhammad Ali’:

“It isn’t the mountains ahead to climb that wear you down. It’s the pebble in your shoe.”

Sometimes, we can feel that it is not ‘normal’ or ‘ok’ to feel or live alongside our anxieties, fears, traumas etc. I always ask the question, ‘what is normal anyway, who sets the prerequisites or parameters when it comes to being normal?’ I always encourage myself and others to:

“Today …. Just let yourself be …. Whatever you need to be.”

(Leona McDonnell)

I really find that by allowing ourselves the mental, emotional and physical space, we can accept any ‘pebbles we have in our own shoes’. We can realise that it is possible to live alongside these discomforts daily and that it is also possible to adopt life practices to help to cope with and manage the impacts of these discomforts. Mindfulness, meditation and self-compassion have helped me to accept my own anxieties, fears, traumas, which in turn better equips me with the ability to continue to walk or live alongside my own demons, my own mental clutter, the internal noise and disruption of my own inner critic, negative thoughts and emotions. I have learned coping mechanisms which empower me with the tools and breathing techniques to quieten and tame these disruptive elements in my life, to accept that they are a part of me, a part of my life experience and that it is ‘ok’ that they are present with me.

I can now comfortably live alongside these discomforts with the skills I have learned and that I teach. I love the words of ‘Cynthia Go’ in relation to self-compassion and self-care:

“Let your mind and heart rest for a while. You will catch up, the world will not stop spinning for you, but you will catch up. Take a rest.”

It takes time and patience to learn to walk with ‘the uncomfortable stone in your shoe’. Sometimes, all that we can see, hear and feel is the discomfort of the mental, emotional and physical sensations that arises with life’s pains and anxieties. So much so, that we can start to feel that we are out of balance or out of control and that we can’t keep up. This in turn increases the stresses, anxieties and unhappiness that we experience. We can prevent this from happening by learning how to live along the up’s and down’s that we experience as part of our human existence.

The best way that we can do this to learn to use our breath as our dominant regulator, as our anchor to slowing down the pace of our breathing, our heartbeat, to release more oxygen into our bloodstream. If it is difficult to use your breath, you can use any of your five senses instead. This practice helps us to feel calmer, more balanced and in control of our response to whatever stressor we are experiencing. As so beautifully put by ‘Amit Ray’, one of the ways that you can learn to live with ‘the uncomfortable stone in your shoe’ is:

“If you want to conquer the anxiety of life, live in the moment, live in the breath.”

How to learn to live with ‘the uncomfortable stone in your shoe’:

The following is a guide on how to learn to live with ‘the uncomfortable stone in your shoe’:

1. Each morning, affirm to yourself that ‘Today … Just let yourself be … Whatever you need to be’. Gift yourself the respect to allow yourself to ‘feel’ and to ‘be’ however you are in each moment of your day.

2. When you feel the uncomfortable sensations of your anxieties, fears, traumas, grief etc arising in or outside your body, affirm to yourself that ‘this is ok’, ‘these feelings are a part of my experience, they are a part of me’.

3. Use your breath as a regulation tool to create calm, balance and acceptance in your mind and body. Take as many regulating breaths as you need to, in through your nose and out through your mouth, or whatever breathing pattern feels right for you.

4. If you find it difficult to use your breath as your anchor, bring your awareness to your feet. Visualise them being deeply pulled into the earth underneath you or you can use your smell to smell something that will help you to feel more relaxed.

5. Remind yourself that while the ‘stone in your shoe’ may be uncomfortable and the sensations that arise from it may be distressing, ‘everything is temporary, nothing is permanent’. The stone WILL come out of your shoe, the sensations WILL pass.

Treat yourself with kindness, compassion and beauty.

Thank you as always to Brian O’Loughlin and his team at Celtic Media Group (https://www.anglocelt.ie/, https://www.con-telegraph.ie/, https://www.meathchronicle.ie/, https://www.offalyindependent.ie/, https://www.westmeathexaminer.ie/ and https://www.westmeathindependent.ie/ for all their wonderful help!

As published by The Celtic Media Group in The Anglo Celt, Connaught Telegraph, Meath Chronicle, Offaly Independent, Westmeath Examiner and Westmeath Independent newspapers w/c 08/02/2021

(Viktor E. Frankl)

I came across this quote recently and it really stood out to me. It drew me in and made me think very much about the current situation that we are all experiencing with the Covid-19 global pandemic and how we may be coping with tough lockdown restrictions collectively and individually.

This ‘space’ that we all now find ourselves in is somewhat uncomfortable for many of us. Uncomfortable because we are experiencing restrictions of our liberations, our movements, our social celebrations, our physical connection with society in general. This is not something that the majority of us are used to. We are used to having the freedom to make our own choices, to decide how we wish to spend our day, our week, our month, our year, to enjoy unrestricted movements and most of all we may be used to feeling ‘safe’ in our personal and social environments.

During the first lockdown, I can remember feeling immense anxieties and fears over the pandemic and in particular the continuous media reporting on every element of it. In this anxious and fear filled ‘space’, I had to make a conscious decision to remove myself from a lot of the social media groups I was a member of and to limit my daily news intake. I had to make a conscious decision to be ‘present’ in my ‘moment’, in the ‘space’ between the ‘stimulus’, being the pandemic, and to my ‘response’, being how I chose to react to the situation in general.

This ‘space’ we are experiencing at present or indeed we can find ourselves experiencing at any stages in our lives can be debilitating for some people and yet it can be life transforming and very liberating for other people. Respecting whatever category you find yourself falling into is paramount in your ability to cope moment by moment, day by day through your own experience. There is no right or wrong as to how you should feel when living in a global pandemic or otherwise, each person’s experiences will vary to some degree. But what is a common denominator to us all living in this pandemic is that we all have the ‘choice’ and ‘freedom’ in how we allow ourselves to respond to this ‘awkward’ and ‘unfamiliar’ space we find ourselves in.

We can choose to become completely consumed, overwhelmed, fearful, panicked and possessed by the constant ‘threat’ to our health, to our liberations, to our existence. Alternatively, we can choose to literally just take each moment as it comes. We can choose to take a deep breath, to fill our lungs full of fresh air, to take a warm shower or bath, to remove news or social media feed before going to bed, to limit the overall news or social media feed we expose ourselves to.

We can recognise this ‘space’ as uncomfortable, as unnatural but as an opportunity to connect with ourselves, with our roots and with our souls. As suggested by Jeanette Winterson:

“In the space between chaos and shape there was another chance”

We can use this ‘space’ and this ‘chance’ or opportunity to realise that sadly, there are many people in our world who experience constant mental, emotional, physical or social restrictions and limitations in their daily lives and that they may never have the ‘chance’ or opportunity to experience a more liberated existence. We can encourage ourselves to feel immense gratitude and appreciation for everything that we do have in our lives. We can allow ourselves to feel the fear and anxiety that is currently swamping many of us in this pandemic but we can also gain an understanding that:

“Anxiety is the space between the ‘NOW’ and the ‘THEN’”

(Richard Abell)

Understanding this ‘space’ and that anxiety is a natural and expected response to what we are all experiencing at the moment is liberating in itself. There is nothing ‘wrong’ with us for feeling fear, anxiety, uncertainty, threatened or burned out as the pandemic keeps rolling on. It is so important that we release any pressures that we have placed upon ourselves, be it increased exercise, increased workload at home, with children, with education, with general work commitments etc and just allow ourselves the ‘space’ to be present with ourselves, with our fears, anxieties, emotions, traumas, physical responses. We need to allow ourselves the ‘space’ to be present with the ‘stimulus’ and to give ourselves the ‘space’ to just breathe, to just be, to let-go, to accept the situation and to help ourselves to be more in control of our personal ‘responses’ to the ‘stimulus’.

An empowering thought to leave you with:

The Space Between – You carry both lightening and thunder in that space between your bones and soul. Become the storm you are hiding from, a hurricane does not run from the rain”

(Nikita Gill)

How to EMBRACE the ‘space’ between stimulus and response:

The following is a guide on how to EMBRACE the ‘space’ between stimulus and response:

1. Each morning, as you start your day ahead, affirm to yourself that ‘today I am ok’, ‘today I will respect, accept and be present with my thoughts, my emotions and my feelings, without getting consumed or overwhelmed by them’.

2. Take 3 regulating breaths, in through your nose, out through your mouth, bringing an awareness to breathing in and breathing down through your whole body.

3. Realise and accept that your mind will continuously wander and get caught up in the drama and trauma of the ‘space’ you find yourself in. Each time this happens, use one of your 5 senses (your sight, hearing, touch, taste or smell) to bring your attention back to your present moment, to your present ‘space’.

4. Don’t judge yourself or feel that you are failing when you have to continually repeat step three as above. This is how you become more mindful and how you increase your present moment awareness and living in any moment. When you realise your mind has wandered and you choose to bounce it back via your senses, you are creating a mindful moment.

5. Each evening, before you end your day, express immense gratitude and appreciation to your mind, emotions, body and soul for the ‘space’ and ‘living experience’ you were gifted with in the day just passed, remembering that not everybody is gifted this experience.

Thank you as always to Brian O’Loughlin and his team at Celtic Media Group (https://www.anglocelt.ie/, https://www.con-telegraph.ie/, https://www.meathchronicle.ie/, https://www.offalyindependent.ie/, https://www.westmeathexaminer.ie/ and https://www.westmeathindependent.ie/ for all their wonderful help!

As published by The Celtic Media Group in The Anglo Celt, Connaught Telegraph, Meath Chronicle, Offaly Independent, Westmeath Examiner and Westmeath Independent newspapers w/c 01/02/2021

How many times have you heard the sayings or maybe even said them yourself ‘it’s teenage hormones’ or ‘it’s the teenage attitude’?  As an adult, who has studied the ‘teenage brain’ in my own training, I now understand that there is a scientific and chemical hormonal response and activity that occurs in the teenage brain during these difficult years.  The teenage brain is continuously developing and changing and doesn’t fully mature until the mid 20’s.  This now makes so much sense to me! 

Dr Daniel Siegel, who is an American Professor of Psychiatry, has done enormous research on the teenage brain and has written numerous books on this topic.  He describes how there is scientific evidence of ‘Hyper Rational Thinking’ in the teenage brain.  This is where teens experience a dopamine surge when they are excited or thrill seeking.  Dopamine is a neurotransmitter and is responsible for how we feel pleasure.  This is why adolescents sometimes take risks and don’t see the imminent danger or repercussions of their actions in the moment because they are ‘high’ on their dopamine hormonal surge!!

I personally can’t imagine how difficult it is for teens and adolescents growing up in society today.  We’re all living in an era of fast paced life, instant life, everything is accessible 24/7 from our bedroom, our kitchen, our living room, our bathroom and there is no switch off time, there is nowhere to escape to.  Noting that I was a teenager in the times where there were no mobile phones until you went to college, there was no social media, there was so much time to disconnect from the world and just switch off. 

Nowadays, our teens and adolescents are so consumed by social life and pressures, by peers, by continuous news feed from everywhere around the world.  How do they manage to turn their brains off?  How do they connect to and stay present in their moment when their moment is one of constant and continuous social invasion?  How can they feel grounded and aware of themselves with all the external influences they experience every second of every day while also experiencing huge internal and hormonal changes and surges in their minds and bodies?

This is where Mindfulness can be an incredible ‘life-line’ to teens and adolescents.  I have been contacted by a lot of parents recently, particularly since the re-opening of schools during the Pandemic, expressing their concern for their anxious, fearful, upset teens.  Many have expressed that their teens are experiencing such high levels of anxiety, fear and panic and are feeling so overwhelmed in society at the moment.  I sympathise so genuinely with parents and teens as I feel and see how difficult it is to cope daily and create, maintain and live with mental, emotional and physical balance and health at the moment. 

I have worked with many teens and am passionate about teaching them about their own inner strength and built in resources that can help them to feel more anchored and supported in any moment.  I teach them how to use their own natural internal resources, like their breath, their senses and mind taming exercises to help to calm and focus their minds and in turn their emotions and their physical response sensations. 

I teach teens how to realise that their minds and body’s are a ‘safe place’ to be, that they can create ‘switch off’ and ‘downtime’ in their minds through Mindful breathing practices, meditations and by ‘training their brains’. 

I empower teens with the training that our thoughts are like ‘clouds’.  They will come and they will go.  Some will be dark, heavy, stormy.  Some with be light, fluffy and empowering.  Our ‘thoughts our only thoughts’, they are not real, they are not reality.  Our ‘present physical moment’ is reality.  I help teens to learn to welcome R.A.I.N in their experience.

A quote I love by Thich Nhat Hanh, who is a famous Vietnamese Buddhist Monk is:

”Feelings come and go like clouds in a windy sky. Conscious breathing is my anchor.”

(Source: Thich Nhat Hanh)

So HOW do I practice ‘Thoughts Like Clouds’ and welcome R.A.I.N?

The following is a step by step guide on how to practice ‘Thoughts Like Clouds’ and how to welcome ‘R.A.I.N’?

1. As you experience a thought entering your mind, picture this thought as a cloud.  Picture this cloud as a small particle in your mind.  Your mind is the vast blue sky.  Some clouds may be small, big, bright, dark, light, heavy.  They are only clouds passing by in the bright blue sky.  They cannot hurt you.  Now bring R.A.I.N to your experience.
2. R = Recognise what is happening. This is an anxious or panic thought cloud passing over right now. I can feel my breathing picking up pace, my heart beating faster, my palms sweating. I have felt this before. I have not felt this before. This is ok, I am safe, this thought cloud will pass over soon. This storm will pass.
3. A = Allow and Accept your experience. You don’t have to like your experience but once you accept and allow it to unfold it will pass by quicker. If you resist it, the thought clouds will get darker and darker and become heavier and heavier. Do not judge or criticise your mind, your ‘blue sky’ for having this thought cloud, just let it come and let it go.
4. I = Investigate with kindness your experience. What is happening my body? What physical sensations can I feel? Can this thought hurt me in this moment? Is this thought true in this moment or is it just another thought cloud in the blue sky?
5. N = Natural Awareness by ‘Non-Identifying’ with the experience. Bring loving awareness to your experience and reassure yourself that ‘this is not my fault’, ‘I will not take this personally’, ‘my feelings aren’t facts’, ‘my thoughts don’t define me as a person’.
6. After you have welcomed R.A.I.N to your experience, feel the thought clouds passing over the bright blue sky. Feel the relief of the thought storm abating and the blue sky becoming bright and vast once again.

By Leona McDonnell Mindfulness and Wellness

Thank you so much to Deirdre Rusk for her amazing images! Check out more amazing images from Deirdre Rusk Photography at https://www.deirdrerusk.com/

As published by The Celtic Media Group in The Anglo Celt, Connaught Telegraph, Meath Chronicle, Offaly Independent, Westmeath Examiner and Westmeath Independent newspapers w/c 19/10/2020)

A few words on something my little boy said to me the other morning ….

The worries our kiddies have and their heightened anxiety at the moment is huge

Great to be able to give reassurance and take one worry away

I feel that this is why so many of us, including me, are always second guessing and questioning our choices and decisions as parents. Parenting does not come with a step by step guide or manual and a lot of the time we are just winging it and finding out as we go along.

Feeling such intense love and pride for our children can be so overwhelming and we can get lost in wanting the ‘very best’ of everything for them and continuously pushing and striving to meet their needs and wants. This then results in so many of us parents feeling that we are not good enough, experiencing parental guilt when things don’t work out how we had hoped or planned and that we are just wading through the water, trying to keep afloat in our daily parenting choices and abilities.

Mindfulness and Mindful Parenting has helped me personally to realise that my own children don’t need the latest iPad’s, tablets, gaming consoles, bicycles, toys, holidays and so much more! I have learned and realised that what my children do need is a parent who is ‘present’ in their lives, present in their own life, who is freely available for love, hugs, laughter, tears, encouragement, motivation, a friend who is always contactable and ready to listen.

My children don’t need a parent that is so overwhelmed by the pace of life, by trying to keep up with ‘The Joneses’, so engrossed in their phone, tablet, laptop or PC, unable to switch off after a day at work, bringing their work home with them, discussing openly in the home adult concerns, fears or worries.

Being more Mindful in my parenting style means that I firstly recognise the importance of my own mental, emotional and physical health and wellbeing. How can I be present for my children and support my family if I am not present in my own life? I am so aware of my own ‘self-care’ needs and know the importance of taking time out every day for my rest, repair and recovery through meditation, exercise, good food choices and loads of fresh air. This is how my children learn the importance of self-care – through example.

Mindful Parenting enables me to be more in touch with my emotions and particularly the hard and fearful ones. It enables me to be upset, to cry, to ask for support, to explain to my children that ‘Mammy is feeling sad and upset today because of (whatever reason). Mammy needs to let her tears come so she can feel her emotions and then get some nice relaxation time outside or while walking’. By doing this you are teaching your children to listen to and feel their emotions, that all feelings and emotions matter and you are giving them the foundations to help themselves to feel better in any moment. You are mindfully teaching them to meet themselves exactly how they are and where they are and that all emotions, feelings, fears, worries and anxieties are ok and that they are a part of normal daily life.

Mindful Parenting is as much about nurturing and empowering your own mental, emotional and physical health as it is of your children’s. I love how Dr Malie Coyne, Clinical Psychologist and Author of ‘Love In Love Out’ describes how we can make peace with ourselves and can view our parenting styles as ‘good enough parenting’. Good enough in that when we prioritise our own self-care, self-compassion and bring an element of kindness to our parenting, we are helping to remove the guilt that we feel about our own parenting skills or choices which enables us to be present and available to and for our little one(s), whatever their need is in any moment.

A powerful quote I came across recently which signifies the important of a parent’s self-care and self-compassion to enable Mindful Parenting is:

“When little people are overwhelmed by big emotions, it’s our job to share our calm, not to join their chaos”
(L.R. Knost)

So HOW do I practice Mindful Parenting?

The following is a step by step guide on how to practice Mindful Parenting:

1. Always communicate to your child(ren) that you are readily free, available and present to listen to or help them work though or unpack their anxiety or their need.
2. Lead by example! Let your child(ren) see how you practice daily self-care, self-compassion, kindness and love for yourself first. Show them the importance of taking time out for your own rest, recovery, repair and to balance and re-balance yourself.
3. Whether you are dealing with a temper tantrum, a complete meltdown, a storm of attitude coming from your child, remain solid in your calm presence. Take a step back, take at least one balancing breath. This will give you the moment or two you need to ensure that you don’t get caught up in your child’s emotional storm or trauma and that you be present for them.
4. Meet your child(ren) with empathy, compassion, kindness and understanding in any moment.
5. Sympathise with them if they are upset being left out of a game at school or if they are finding it hard to fit into a group of friends. Relay to them ‘I can understand that this must be really hard for you at the moment and I can see how upset you are feeling about this, this must really hurt …..’
6. Go to those painful places and moments with your child and normalise it for them. Explain to them what you physically feel in your body when fear, anxiety or panic is visiting you, describe the symptoms that you experience like faster breathing, quicker heart rate, sweating, feeling faint and so on.
7. Be a friend to your child(ren). Yes, we need to guide our children and teach them life lessons, but we can do that in a friendly, fun, encouraging, empowering and motivating way! It doesn’t have to be all ‘sergeant major’ and no fun! Relax, laugh, play and have fun in the present moment, their moment.

By Leona McDonnell Mindfulness and Wellness

Check out Dr Malie Coyne for more information on ‘A Compassionate Approach to Parenting your Anxious Child’ and on her newly released book Love in Love Out – http://drmaliecoyne.ie/

As published by The Celtic Media Group in The Anglo Celt, Connaught Telegraph, Meath Chronicle, Offaly Independent, Westmeath Examiner and Westmeath Independent newspapers w/c 5/10/2020)