HOW TO ACCEPT, EMBRACE AND SELF-MOTIVATE YOURSELF TO FULFILMENT

Needless to say, it is very annoying and a continuous focus point as the pebble moves around in my boot and as I feel it under my foot. I can hear you scream, ‘just take your boot off and shake it out’ or ‘get a new pair of boots’! But I usually walk on with the ‘uncomfortable’ stone in my shoe and let me tell you why.

I use the sensation of this pebble in my shoe as a continuous anchor to the moment that I am in, as I walk along. I bring my awareness to the pebble as I stop and bang my foot on the ground to try and move the pebble to a more comfortable position under my foot. This sensation always creates a recognition and consciousness in me, that sometimes, this uncomfortable physical sensation, can be similar to how it feels to ‘walk’ or ‘move’ through daily life while perhaps living with anxieties, fears, traumas, grief, regrets, hopes, dreams, aspirations. These common elements of life can be so disruptive as we experience them and they can have the potential to railroad us, to create an unbearable or incomprehensible mountain for us to climb in our daily living. The ‘stone in the shoe’ can be more difficult to live with than overcoming or living alongside anxieties, fears, trauma, grief and even conquering your life’s goals and ambitions.

As quoted by ‘Muhammad Ali’:

“It isn’t the mountains ahead to climb that wear you down. It’s the pebble in your shoe.”

Sometimes, we can feel that it is not ‘normal’ or ‘ok’ to feel or live alongside our anxieties, fears, traumas etc. I always ask the question, ‘what is normal anyway, who sets the prerequisites or parameters when it comes to being normal?’ I always encourage myself and others to:

“Today …. Just let yourself be …. Whatever you need to be.”

(Leona McDonnell)

I really find that by allowing ourselves the mental, emotional and physical space, we can accept any ‘pebbles we have in our own shoes’. We can realise that it is possible to live alongside these discomforts daily and that it is also possible to adopt life practices to help to cope with and manage the impacts of these discomforts. Mindfulness, meditation and self-compassion have helped me to accept my own anxieties, fears, traumas, which in turn better equips me with the ability to continue to walk or live alongside my own demons, my own mental clutter, the internal noise and disruption of my own inner critic, negative thoughts and emotions. I have learned coping mechanisms which empower me with the tools and breathing techniques to quieten and tame these disruptive elements in my life, to accept that they are a part of me, a part of my life experience and that it is ‘ok’ that they are present with me.

I can now comfortably live alongside these discomforts with the skills I have learned and that I teach. I love the words of ‘Cynthia Go’ in relation to self-compassion and self-care:

“Let your mind and heart rest for a while. You will catch up, the world will not stop spinning for you, but you will catch up. Take a rest.”

It takes time and patience to learn to walk with ‘the uncomfortable stone in your shoe’. Sometimes, all that we can see, hear and feel is the discomfort of the mental, emotional and physical sensations that arises with life’s pains and anxieties. So much so, that we can start to feel that we are out of balance or out of control and that we can’t keep up. This in turn increases the stresses, anxieties and unhappiness that we experience. We can prevent this from happening by learning how to live along the up’s and down’s that we experience as part of our human existence.

The best way that we can do this to learn to use our breath as our dominant regulator, as our anchor to slowing down the pace of our breathing, our heartbeat, to release more oxygen into our bloodstream. If it is difficult to use your breath, you can use any of your five senses instead. This practice helps us to feel calmer, more balanced and in control of our response to whatever stressor we are experiencing. As so beautifully put by ‘Amit Ray’, one of the ways that you can learn to live with ‘the uncomfortable stone in your shoe’ is:

“If you want to conquer the anxiety of life, live in the moment, live in the breath.”

How to learn to live with ‘the uncomfortable stone in your shoe’:

The following is a guide on how to learn to live with ‘the uncomfortable stone in your shoe’:

1. Each morning, affirm to yourself that ‘Today … Just let yourself be … Whatever you need to be’. Gift yourself the respect to allow yourself to ‘feel’ and to ‘be’ however you are in each moment of your day.

2. When you feel the uncomfortable sensations of your anxieties, fears, traumas, grief etc arising in or outside your body, affirm to yourself that ‘this is ok’, ‘these feelings are a part of my experience, they are a part of me’.

3. Use your breath as a regulation tool to create calm, balance and acceptance in your mind and body. Take as many regulating breaths as you need to, in through your nose and out through your mouth, or whatever breathing pattern feels right for you.

4. If you find it difficult to use your breath as your anchor, bring your awareness to your feet. Visualise them being deeply pulled into the earth underneath you or you can use your smell to smell something that will help you to feel more relaxed.

5. Remind yourself that while the ‘stone in your shoe’ may be uncomfortable and the sensations that arise from it may be distressing, ‘everything is temporary, nothing is permanent’. The stone WILL come out of your shoe, the sensations WILL pass.

Treat yourself with kindness, compassion and beauty.

Thank you as always to Brian O’Loughlin and his team at Celtic Media Group (https://www.anglocelt.ie/, https://www.con-telegraph.ie/, https://www.meathchronicle.ie/, https://www.offalyindependent.ie/, https://www.westmeathexaminer.ie/ and https://www.westmeathindependent.ie/ for all their wonderful help!

As published by The Celtic Media Group in The Anglo Celt, Connaught Telegraph, Meath Chronicle, Offaly Independent, Westmeath Examiner and Westmeath Independent newspapers w/c 08/02/2021

(Viktor E. Frankl)

I came across this quote recently and it really stood out to me. It drew me in and made me think very much about the current situation that we are all experiencing with the Covid-19 global pandemic and how we may be coping with tough lockdown restrictions collectively and individually.

This ‘space’ that we all now find ourselves in is somewhat uncomfortable for many of us. Uncomfortable because we are experiencing restrictions of our liberations, our movements, our social celebrations, our physical connection with society in general. This is not something that the majority of us are used to. We are used to having the freedom to make our own choices, to decide how we wish to spend our day, our week, our month, our year, to enjoy unrestricted movements and most of all we may be used to feeling ‘safe’ in our personal and social environments.

During the first lockdown, I can remember feeling immense anxieties and fears over the pandemic and in particular the continuous media reporting on every element of it. In this anxious and fear filled ‘space’, I had to make a conscious decision to remove myself from a lot of the social media groups I was a member of and to limit my daily news intake. I had to make a conscious decision to be ‘present’ in my ‘moment’, in the ‘space’ between the ‘stimulus’, being the pandemic, and to my ‘response’, being how I chose to react to the situation in general.

This ‘space’ we are experiencing at present or indeed we can find ourselves experiencing at any stages in our lives can be debilitating for some people and yet it can be life transforming and very liberating for other people. Respecting whatever category you find yourself falling into is paramount in your ability to cope moment by moment, day by day through your own experience. There is no right or wrong as to how you should feel when living in a global pandemic or otherwise, each person’s experiences will vary to some degree. But what is a common denominator to us all living in this pandemic is that we all have the ‘choice’ and ‘freedom’ in how we allow ourselves to respond to this ‘awkward’ and ‘unfamiliar’ space we find ourselves in.

We can choose to become completely consumed, overwhelmed, fearful, panicked and possessed by the constant ‘threat’ to our health, to our liberations, to our existence. Alternatively, we can choose to literally just take each moment as it comes. We can choose to take a deep breath, to fill our lungs full of fresh air, to take a warm shower or bath, to remove news or social media feed before going to bed, to limit the overall news or social media feed we expose ourselves to.

We can recognise this ‘space’ as uncomfortable, as unnatural but as an opportunity to connect with ourselves, with our roots and with our souls. As suggested by Jeanette Winterson:

“In the space between chaos and shape there was another chance”

We can use this ‘space’ and this ‘chance’ or opportunity to realise that sadly, there are many people in our world who experience constant mental, emotional, physical or social restrictions and limitations in their daily lives and that they may never have the ‘chance’ or opportunity to experience a more liberated existence. We can encourage ourselves to feel immense gratitude and appreciation for everything that we do have in our lives. We can allow ourselves to feel the fear and anxiety that is currently swamping many of us in this pandemic but we can also gain an understanding that:

“Anxiety is the space between the ‘NOW’ and the ‘THEN’”

(Richard Abell)

Understanding this ‘space’ and that anxiety is a natural and expected response to what we are all experiencing at the moment is liberating in itself. There is nothing ‘wrong’ with us for feeling fear, anxiety, uncertainty, threatened or burned out as the pandemic keeps rolling on. It is so important that we release any pressures that we have placed upon ourselves, be it increased exercise, increased workload at home, with children, with education, with general work commitments etc and just allow ourselves the ‘space’ to be present with ourselves, with our fears, anxieties, emotions, traumas, physical responses. We need to allow ourselves the ‘space’ to be present with the ‘stimulus’ and to give ourselves the ‘space’ to just breathe, to just be, to let-go, to accept the situation and to help ourselves to be more in control of our personal ‘responses’ to the ‘stimulus’.

An empowering thought to leave you with:

The Space Between – You carry both lightening and thunder in that space between your bones and soul. Become the storm you are hiding from, a hurricane does not run from the rain”

(Nikita Gill)

How to EMBRACE the ‘space’ between stimulus and response:

The following is a guide on how to EMBRACE the ‘space’ between stimulus and response:

1. Each morning, as you start your day ahead, affirm to yourself that ‘today I am ok’, ‘today I will respect, accept and be present with my thoughts, my emotions and my feelings, without getting consumed or overwhelmed by them’.

2. Take 3 regulating breaths, in through your nose, out through your mouth, bringing an awareness to breathing in and breathing down through your whole body.

3. Realise and accept that your mind will continuously wander and get caught up in the drama and trauma of the ‘space’ you find yourself in. Each time this happens, use one of your 5 senses (your sight, hearing, touch, taste or smell) to bring your attention back to your present moment, to your present ‘space’.

4. Don’t judge yourself or feel that you are failing when you have to continually repeat step three as above. This is how you become more mindful and how you increase your present moment awareness and living in any moment. When you realise your mind has wandered and you choose to bounce it back via your senses, you are creating a mindful moment.

5. Each evening, before you end your day, express immense gratitude and appreciation to your mind, emotions, body and soul for the ‘space’ and ‘living experience’ you were gifted with in the day just passed, remembering that not everybody is gifted this experience.

Thank you as always to Brian O’Loughlin and his team at Celtic Media Group (https://www.anglocelt.ie/, https://www.con-telegraph.ie/, https://www.meathchronicle.ie/, https://www.offalyindependent.ie/, https://www.westmeathexaminer.ie/ and https://www.westmeathindependent.ie/ for all their wonderful help!

As published by The Celtic Media Group in The Anglo Celt, Connaught Telegraph, Meath Chronicle, Offaly Independent, Westmeath Examiner and Westmeath Independent newspapers w/c 01/02/2021

(Dalai Lama)

How incredibly empowering and true is this quote by Dalai Lama? This ‘present moment’ living and awareness took me years to learn and to live by and it is something that I constantly practise and work hard to maintain daily. It is a constant commitment and practice but I can guarantee you that if and when you pledge to yourself to learn how to live more mindfully and more consciously, you will never be able to live any other way again. You will feel truly alive, truly earthed, truly connected to yourself, to your life, to your soul, to your existence and to your purpose. You will wonder how you ever got ‘stuck’ living with yesterday’s experiences or values or tomorrows non-guaranteed expectations and assumptions.

One of the ways in which I trained my brain and continue to do so daily, in how to be more present, more aware and more grateful in my present moment is by affirming to myself daily, numerous times per day, that ‘today I GET to’ do whatever it is that I am doing. I remind myself that ‘today I don’t HAVE to’ do whatever it is that I am doing but that I am truly blessed to have the opportunity to actually do whatever it is that I want to do. I constantly remind myself that not everybody gets the gift and opportunity of a promised new day ahead. So many people would do anything for this opportunity and yet, there are so many of us that don’t fully realise and may even take for granted the capabilities that we are individually gifted with every day.

Another way that I increased my present moment awareness and living was by introducing daily ‘appreciation’ and ‘thankfulness’ into my life. Everyday, I start and end my day expressing my gratitude for my body and all its internal organs and functions, my overall health (even if it’s been a day where I felt a bit off or sickly, I am still alive!), my mind, emotions, family, friends, animals and everything that I have in my life. I more so express appreciation for the ‘little’ things in my life, which are funnily the ‘biggest and most important’ things in my life. A quote I love, which reflects this is:

“Don’t take your health for granted. Don’t take your body for granted. Do something today that communicates to your body that you desire to care for it. TOMORROW IS NOT PROMISED”

(Jada Pinkett Smith)

Sometimes, when I talk to people about ‘appreciation’ and ‘gratitude’, they express that they can’t seem to find things in their lives to be grateful about or that they are so consumed in their daily experiences or traumas, through no fault of their own, that they can’t see by them, they can’t see any of the good things they may possess. What I always explain is that sometimes, we can get ‘stuck’ living our ‘today’ with yesterdays ‘tried and tested’ methods, emotions, attitudes and so on. We can get so used to using the same tools and techniques that we always use to navigate through our lives that we can become clouded in our judgements and in our ability to see that ‘there may be another way’ or ‘there may be another attitude or viewpoint’ that could work. I always encourage myself and others to try and view any life obstacles or events as ‘challenges’ and to try to imagine how you would feel when you overcome or defeat these challenges in your life.

A quote to illustrate this is:

“Challenges are what make life interesting and overcoming them is what makes life meaningful”

(Joshua J.Marine)

So why not start today to introduce, adopt and implement a daily ‘appreciation’ or ‘gratitude’ practice? Either verbalising or writing down the good things, the ‘gifted opportunities’ that you have in your life, can really help to create a prime focus at the start and end of your day. It can help you to realise and establish what the ‘little’ things are that you have in your life and just how ‘important’ these little things can be!

Living your life with the mindset that ‘today, I GET to …..’ is so powerful and automatically makes you feel grateful and appreciative for even getting to open your eyes every new dawning day.

A thought to leave you with is:

“TODAY IS LIFE. The only life you are sure of. Make the most of today. Get interested in something. Shake yourself awake. Develop a hobby. Let the winds of enthusiasm sweep through you. Live today with gusto”

(Dale Carnegie)

How to implement the mindset that ‘today I GET to …..’ into your life:

The following is a guide on how to implement the mindset that ‘today I GET to …..’ into your life:

1. Each morning, as you awake and get out of bed, pause for a moment to express appreciation that you can open your eyes, that your heart is beating, that your lungs are breathing.

2. As you start your day, express appreciation that ‘today I GET to ….’go to work, look after my family, get some fresh air, do the grocery shopping, clean my house…..

3. If you can, try and create a space of even 5-10mins daily (preferably in the morning and the evening) to either write or verbally express all of the elements you have in your life that make you who you are and that you are grateful for.

4. Throughout your day, implement ‘pause moments’, where you pause what you are doing, take a few moments to take some deep breaths, really bringing your awareness to your chest and lungs as they fill with fresh air and life force energy.

5. Before you go to sleep each night, either write down or verbally express your gratitude and appreciation for the day of your life just lived. Whether it was a good or bad day, your heart was still beating and your lungs were still breathing, you were gifted with another day of precious life.

Thank you as always to Brian O’Loughlin and his team at Celtic Media Group (https://www.anglocelt.ie/, https://www.con-telegraph.ie/, https://www.meathchronicle.ie/, https://www.offalyindependent.ie/, https://www.westmeathexaminer.ie/ and https://www.westmeathindependent.ie/ for all their wonderful help!

As published by The Celtic Media Group in The Anglo Celt, Connaught Telegraph, Meath Chronicle, Offaly Independent, Westmeath Examiner and Westmeath Independent newspapers w/c 25/01/2021

(tiannaleigh.com)

I love this and find it very empowering and motivating anytime but especially as we start the new year of 2021! One of the biggest turning points in my own life was when I learnt how to ‘stop’ trying to control every thought, every emotion, every response and every outcome in my life and just let ‘synchronicity’ and the ‘power of the universe’ guide me to what’s meant to be. Learning to loosen out the reigns of power and control and just ‘be present’ in whatever moment and experience I was in, really helped me to shape and carve a very positive, relaxed and at ease mindset in my everyday living!

I feel there’s a difference between setting personal goals to achieve and working towards them, as opposed to completely hi-jacking yourself and your life to make them a reality, when perhaps it becomes apparent that they may not be productive or realistic goals for you.

When we pause, take a step back and just watch as our lives unfold, accepting our experience, in the present moment, we can gain a realisation that:

“….. sometimes not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck”

(hqlines.tumblr.com)

We can all get frustrated when we end up on a different path than we imagined, when we feel that things are not working out the way we would have liked or imagined but “sometimes it takes a wrong turn to get you to the right place” (Mandy Hale). By adopting the mindset of ‘accepting’ your experience and knowing that ‘nothing is permanent, everything is temporary’, you can start to experience a greater flow of synchronicity in your life and start to notice subtle little signs and coincidences that are perhaps falling in front of you.

You can become more attuned to the delicate vibrations and currents that the universe may be placing in your path and feel more liberated to be able to just let yourself ‘go with the flow’ and to experience whatever situation you are being presented with.

Think about what synchronicity is:

“synchronicity happens when you align with the flow of the universe rather than insisting the universe flow your way”

(spiritnest.com)

Isn’t this amazing, that by taking our foot off the pedal, by stopping to try and ‘make’ things happen the way we envisaged they would, we can actually experience the most powerful personal growth and embrace the ‘present moment’. By learning to identify, connect with and use our built-in skills and competencies to glide and coast through our life experience, we can experience ease, calmness, presence and grace, while allowing synchronicity and the power of the universe to guide us.

When we choose to allow ourselves to be guided and encouraged by means of synchronicity and really listen to, notice and see the signs or the coincidences that we may be receiving, it’s almost as if the universe is telling us that we are ‘getting warmer’, it’s providing us with these little signs that are leading us on a path to our best potential, if we allow it too.

A beautiful quote I love to illustrate this point is:

“The Universe is always speaking to us through little messages, coincidences and synchronicities that remind us to stop, look around and to be present”

(lonerwolf)

What better way to start off the new year and as a general approach to your daily living than to just allow yourself the mental, emotional and physical space to ‘stop’ trying to have everything planned to the ‘T’, to have everything worked out exactly how you think it should work out, to feel that you always have to be in ‘full control’ of your experiences and the cards you are dealt throughout your life.

How liberating to feel that we might not need to have all these stringent plans and processes in place to live by daily. We can achieve more than we can imagine by just being present in our moment, by using our breath and our senses to navigate us through each moment of our day and of our lives. We can become resilient in our own coping techniques and to how much of the ‘synchronicities, signs and coincidences’ that we are ‘open’ to receiving into our lives!

A thought to leave you with:

“Someday, everything will make perfect sense. So for now, laugh at the confusion, smile through the tears, be strong and keep reminding yourself that everything happens for a reason”

(John Mayer)

How to NOTICE synchronicities and coincidences in your everyday:

The following is a guide on how to NOTICE synchronicities and coincidences in your everyday:

1. Every morning, as you start your day ahead, ask the Universe: ‘How can I serve you today? How can I be of service and use to you today?

2. Then, ask the Universe to guide you with clear, accurate synchronicities, signs and coincidences that will help you to move through your day and your experiences more presently and that will guide you onto the correct path for you.

3. Commit to use any or all of your senses – your sight, hearing, touch, smell and taste – to help you to clearly receive any guidance that the universe may be sending to you in any moment. Use your senses to connect to your present moment experience and to help you to become more accepting of that experience.

4. Engage with and use your natural breathing rhythm to anchor you to your body, your soul and your experience. Really focus on breathing in universal energy and breathing out anything that’s not serving you well.

5. Using your present moment awareness and breath as your connection to the universe, commit to yourself to place your full trust in whatever guidance, synchronicities, signs, coincidences that present themselves to you. Allow yourself to notice and experience these in a non-judgemental and non-critical manner.

6. Everyday, thank the Universe for its guidance and for everything that you have in your life.

Thank you as always to Brian O’Loughlin and his team at Celtic Media Group (https://www.anglocelt.ie/, https://www.con-telegraph.ie/, https://www.meathchronicle.ie/, https://www.offalyindependent.ie/, https://www.westmeathexaminer.ie/ and https://www.westmeathindependent.ie/ for all their wonderful help!

As published by The Celtic Media Group in The Anglo Celt, Connaught Telegraph, Meath Chronicle, Offaly Independent, Westmeath Examiner and Westmeath Independent newspapers w/c 18/01/2021

(Buddha)

Growing up, I never really grasped the concept or power of ‘positive thinking’ and conditioning myself to have a ‘positive mindset’. So many times, as I was faced with the normal daily ups and downs of life, others would encourage me to ‘look on the bright side’, ‘think positive’, ‘don’t think about the negative’ and sometimes, this was frustrating to hear. When you are struggling with your thoughts or a difficult experience or situation, it is very difficult to be able to ‘find’ or ‘see’ the positives and not to get caught up in the negatives.

It was only when I adopted a mindful and present approach to my daily living that it became abundantly clear that what you put into your mind, you get out, what you sow, you reap, what you think, you become. This mindset took some time to cultivate, as we are not naturally programmed to just wake up one day and be completely positive about everything in our lives. Re-programming your mind and body to notice the positive and negative in your present moment living, to pay attention to whatever your experience is and by ‘purposely’ choosing to find the positives in any situation or experience and not get pulled down into the negatives takes time, commitment and practise.

But we can do this and I personally feel that it is worth making this investment into yourself and in becoming more positive in your general, daily mindset, as when you achieve this, the sky’s the limit! But the magical thing is, when you do achieve this, you will feel so content, so present, so aware of all of the natural beauty internally and externally in your own life, you won’t feel like you need to soar through the clouds. You will feel more competent and comfortable to have the skills and mindset to live through the clouds of your everyday life.

An empowering quote I absolutely love is one by Pema Chödrön, who is a Buddhist teacher, author, nun and mother. She has inspired millions of people around the world to practice peace in turbulent times. The quote goes:

“You are the sky. Everything else is just the weather”.

(Pema Chödrön)

I find this concept so empowering and use it often in my daily living and my teachings. We can condition ourselves to imagine that our minds are like the ‘bright blue sky’ and that our thoughts are just like ‘clouds’ passing by in the sky. When you think about a bright blue sky, you may automatically think of clearness, calmness, vast space, never ending. We can learn to think of our minds as being like this, even on the dullest, hardest, overwhelming and overpowering days that we all experience. We can learn to see our thoughts as ‘thought clouds’, that will come into our ‘bright blue sky’, our minds, and that will pass over if we allow them to. If we choose to or find ourselves getting caught up in whatever ‘thought cloud’ is passing over in our ‘bright blue sky’, we can get stuck in the thought cloud. When this happens, we start to feel the emotional and physical sensations that accompany this ‘thought cloud’ in our body. So, if we get stuck in an ‘anxious or fearful’ thought cloud, we may start to experience panic and worry in our body. We may feel an increased heartrate, quickened breathing, dizziness, sweating and perhaps more.

When we adopt this viewpoint and understanding in our lives that ‘we are so much more than our thoughts, we are so much bigger than them, we don’t have to believe them,’ just like the bright blue sky is so much bigger than any clouds can ever be, we then learn to become observers of our thoughts and minds and we learn the skill of just letting each ‘thought cloud’ pass over, without experiencing the physical sensations of it in our body. When we implement this approach and concept into our own daily living, it really does help us to see the calmness and serenity that we can experience, even when our own internal weather is a bit turbulent. It can help us to see that:

“… what you think, you become, what you feel, you attract, what you imagine, you create”.

(Buddha)

This mindset can help us to identify the most important priorities for us individually in our own lives. It can enable us to focus on the qualities and experiences that we wish to manifest in our lives. Another quote to leave you with, from Jack Kornfield, Buddhist practitioner and bestselling American author is:

“In the end, just three things matter: How well you lived. How well we have loved. How well we have learned to let go”.

(Jack Kornfield)

HOW to help your ‘Thoughts’ pass over like ‘Clouds’:

The following is a step by step guide on how to help ‘Thoughts’ pass over like ‘Clouds’:

1. Each morning, picture and affirm to yourself that your mind is just like a ‘bright blue sky’. Notice how much space is in this blue sky and how calm, peaceful and tranquil your ‘bright blue sky’ is.

2. When you feel your mind becoming distracted and starting to wander and get caught in thinking, affirm to yourself that ‘thought clouds’ are now entering your ‘bright blue sky’ and that this is ok, they will pass over.

3. Try to just notice and watch each ‘thought cloud’ as it enters and leaves your ‘bright blue sky’ space. Acknowledge to yourself that you can see each thought cloud and that you are ready to just let it pass over.

4. If you feel yourself starting to experience any physical sensations of the ‘thought clouds’ in your body, gently assure yourself that you are now caught up in the ‘thought cloud’ and that you need to come back to being able to just see the ‘thought cloud’ passing by in your ‘bright blue sky’.

5. Take 3 slow, deep, regulating breaths to help you to emerge from the ‘thought cloud’ you are stuck in and to come back to just feeling the vastness and serenity of your ‘bright blue sky’ and to observing your ‘thought clouds’ as they pass over.

6. Affirm to yourself that you are like the ‘bright blue sky’ and that you are bigger than any of your ‘thought clouds’ can ever be.

Thank you so much to Deirdre Rusk for her amazing images! Check out more amazing images from Deirdre Rusk Photography at https://www.deirdrerusk.com/

Thank you as always to Brian O’Loughlin and his team at Celtic Media Group (https://www.anglocelt.ie/, https://www.con-telegraph.ie/, https://www.meathchronicle.ie/, https://www.offalyindependent.ie/, https://www.westmeathexaminer.ie/ and https://www.westmeathindependent.ie/ for all their wonderful help!

As published by The Celtic Media Group in The Anglo Celt, Connaught Telegraph, Meath Chronicle, Offaly Independent, Westmeath Examiner and Westmeath Independent newspapers w/c 14/12/2020)

Growing research is in fact suggesting the exact opposite. Dr Brené Brown, who is a research professor at the University of Houston, has spent the past two decades studying courage, vulnerability, shame, and empathy. She believes that “you have to walk through vulnerability to get to courage, therefore … embrace the suck”. Her motto is “courage over comfort”.

(https://brenebrown.com/about/)

She defines vulnerability as composed of “uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure”. She suggests that vulnerability is our most accurate measure of courage and that to be vulnerable allows ourselves to be seen. She describes how vulnerability is typically thought of as a centre of emotions, such as grief, shame, fear, disappointment but she suggests it is also the centre and birthplace of love, belonging, authenticity, creativity, courage and accountability.

(https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vulnerability)

So why does vulnerability challenge us all so much? Why do we find it so hard as humans to let our guard down, to let others into the secrets and traumas of our lives? Why do we feel that it is better to present a strong, happy, courageous, fear free existence? Why do we find it so hard to be truthful to ourselves and perhaps friends and family members when we are struggling with or experiencing a ‘perceived vulnerability’? Perhaps it could be because being vulnerable can mean taking risks, getting hurt and maybe venturing out into the unknown. It can mean exposing a side of yourself that you may have been keeping deeply protected or hidden away, even though the discomfort of doing so could be causing you great mental, emotional or physical pain and suffering. Nobody would like to be seen or perceived as a ‘moaner’ or a ‘complainer’ or ‘airing their laundry in public’ and that could be another reason why people find it so difficult opening up about their struggles and discomforts, even though these could be a shared experience by common humanity.

But there are constructive, respectful, responsible ways to express and expose your own vulnerabilities, while providing a space and avenue to help yourself and others who may be experiencing a similar discomfort in their own life. One way of doing this can be by learning how to trust yourself. As described by Elisha Goldstein Ph.D., a psychologist, author, speaker and co-founder of The Center for Mindful Living, “You have the power and the freedom to start making new choices in the present moment. Building trust in yourself means choosing to adopt a mindful stance, especially during moments of emotional vulnerability. This also means willingness to feel uncomfortable… this is where real change and growth are possible”.

(https://elishagoldstein.com/about/)

He continues to describe how ‘you can build the capacity for trust in yourself through mindfully paying attention to moments of vulnerability, observing your personal experience of emotional vulnerability with an accepting, curious, and non-judgmental attitude. Becoming mindful of these vulnerable moments will increase trust in your capacity to be with yourself, whatever might come up’.

(Goldstein, E. (2013, April 25). The Neuroscience of Trusting Yourself. Huffington Post)

This is how a consistent mindful approach to your own daily living can help you to learn how to trust yourself and how to become more vulnerable in your thoughts, feelings, emotions and expressions. When you practice Mindfulness, you learn how to create and live in ‘present moment awareness’. This means that you learn how to ‘meet and accept yourself’ exactly as you are in every moment. You learn to realise that it is ok to be feeling distraught, emotional, overwhelmed, exhausted, stressed, anxious, fearful or panicked by whatever discomforts you are experiencing in your life. You learn to meet these head on and you learn how to ‘sit’ with and ‘live alongside’ these discomforts in your daily living.

Mindfulness and present moment living and awareness can help you ‘embrace the uncomfortable, to experience your experience and its associated discomforts as it is in the moment, to soothe and comfort yourself while you allow yourself to feel vulnerable in coping with these difficulties, perhaps talking and expressing more openly, in a caring and influencing manner, how you are feeling and how you feel these vulnerabilities can help you to grow, emerge and be courageous in embracing and moving out of your comfort zone’.

A beautiful thought I love from Dr Brené Brown, which has really helped me in my own life is: “Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we will ever do”.

(https://brenebrown.com/about/)

A powerful quote to leave with you to think about is:

“Vulnerability is not winning or losing, it’s having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome. Vulnerability is not weakness, it’s our greatest measure of courage”.

(Brené Brown, Rising Strong)

HOW TO TAP INTO YOUR OWN VULNERABILITY AND COURAGE

The following is a step by step guide on how to tap into your own vulnerability and courage:

1. Begin by bringing your focus to your breathing. Breathing as you normally would, say to yourself ‘here’ as you breathe in and say to yourself ‘now’ as you breathe out.

2. As you continue in this pattern, notice any thoughts, feelings, emotions, physical discomforts or vulnerabilities that may arise. Let go of any internal battle you may have with them. Give them the space to be as they are in this moment, in the here and now.

3. Saying to yourself, ‘here’ as you breathe in and saying to yourself ‘now’ as you breathe out, continue to notice, to allow and to meet yourself and any vulnerabilities or discomforts that you may be experiencing in this moment. They all belong and are a part of you.

4. Continuing to breathe in your own rhythm, saying ‘here’ as you breath in and ‘now’ as you breathe out, just allowing whatever thoughts, feelings, emotions or physical discomforts you have to surface and knowing that you are safe, these are all a part of you and you are just as you need to be right now.

5. Now affirm to yourself that you always have the choice to let go of any internal battle you may have and that you always have the choice to let go of your thoughts and to come back to the present moment.

6. When you are ready, let go of this practice and embrace how it feels to have fully met yourself as you are in this moment.

Thank you as always to Brian O’Loughlin and his team at Celtic Media Group (https://www.anglocelt.ie/, https://www.con-telegraph.ie/, https://www.meathchronicle.ie/, https://www.offalyindependent.ie/, https://www.westmeathexaminer.ie/ and https://www.westmeathindependent.ie/ for all their wonderful help!

As published by The Celtic Media Group in The Anglo Celt, Connaught Telegraph, Meath Chronicle, Offaly Independent, Westmeath Examiner and Westmeath Independent newspapers w/c 30/11/2020)