Needless to say, it is very annoying and a continuous focus point as the pebble moves around in my boot and as I feel it under my foot. I can hear you scream, ‘just take your boot off and shake it out’ or ‘get a new pair of boots’! But I usually walk on with the ‘uncomfortable’ stone in my shoe and let me tell you why.

I use the sensation of this pebble in my shoe as a continuous anchor to the moment that I am in, as I walk along. I bring my awareness to the pebble as I stop and bang my foot on the ground to try and move the pebble to a more comfortable position under my foot. This sensation always creates a recognition and consciousness in me, that sometimes, this uncomfortable physical sensation, can be similar to how it feels to ‘walk’ or ‘move’ through daily life while perhaps living with anxieties, fears, traumas, grief, regrets, hopes, dreams, aspirations. These common elements of life can be so disruptive as we experience them and they can have the potential to railroad us, to create an unbearable or incomprehensible mountain for us to climb in our daily living. The ‘stone in the shoe’ can be more difficult to live with than overcoming or living alongside anxieties, fears, trauma, grief and even conquering your life’s goals and ambitions.

As quoted by ‘Muhammad Ali’:

“It isn’t the mountains ahead to climb that wear you down. It’s the pebble in your shoe.”

Sometimes, we can feel that it is not ‘normal’ or ‘ok’ to feel or live alongside our anxieties, fears, traumas etc. I always ask the question, ‘what is normal anyway, who sets the prerequisites or parameters when it comes to being normal?’ I always encourage myself and others to:

“Today …. Just let yourself be …. Whatever you need to be.”

(Leona McDonnell)

I really find that by allowing ourselves the mental, emotional and physical space, we can accept any ‘pebbles we have in our own shoes’. We can realise that it is possible to live alongside these discomforts daily and that it is also possible to adopt life practices to help to cope with and manage the impacts of these discomforts. Mindfulness, meditation and self-compassion have helped me to accept my own anxieties, fears, traumas, which in turn better equips me with the ability to continue to walk or live alongside my own demons, my own mental clutter, the internal noise and disruption of my own inner critic, negative thoughts and emotions. I have learned coping mechanisms which empower me with the tools and breathing techniques to quieten and tame these disruptive elements in my life, to accept that they are a part of me, a part of my life experience and that it is ‘ok’ that they are present with me.

I can now comfortably live alongside these discomforts with the skills I have learned and that I teach. I love the words of ‘Cynthia Go’ in relation to self-compassion and self-care:

“Let your mind and heart rest for a while. You will catch up, the world will not stop spinning for you, but you will catch up. Take a rest.”

It takes time and patience to learn to walk with ‘the uncomfortable stone in your shoe’. Sometimes, all that we can see, hear and feel is the discomfort of the mental, emotional and physical sensations that arises with life’s pains and anxieties. So much so, that we can start to feel that we are out of balance or out of control and that we can’t keep up. This in turn increases the stresses, anxieties and unhappiness that we experience. We can prevent this from happening by learning how to live along the up’s and down’s that we experience as part of our human existence.

The best way that we can do this to learn to use our breath as our dominant regulator, as our anchor to slowing down the pace of our breathing, our heartbeat, to release more oxygen into our bloodstream. If it is difficult to use your breath, you can use any of your five senses instead. This practice helps us to feel calmer, more balanced and in control of our response to whatever stressor we are experiencing. As so beautifully put by ‘Amit Ray’, one of the ways that you can learn to live with ‘the uncomfortable stone in your shoe’ is:

“If you want to conquer the anxiety of life, live in the moment, live in the breath.”

How to learn to live with ‘the uncomfortable stone in your shoe’:

The following is a guide on how to learn to live with ‘the uncomfortable stone in your shoe’:

1. Each morning, affirm to yourself that ‘Today … Just let yourself be … Whatever you need to be’. Gift yourself the respect to allow yourself to ‘feel’ and to ‘be’ however you are in each moment of your day.

2. When you feel the uncomfortable sensations of your anxieties, fears, traumas, grief etc arising in or outside your body, affirm to yourself that ‘this is ok’, ‘these feelings are a part of my experience, they are a part of me’.

3. Use your breath as a regulation tool to create calm, balance and acceptance in your mind and body. Take as many regulating breaths as you need to, in through your nose and out through your mouth, or whatever breathing pattern feels right for you.

4. If you find it difficult to use your breath as your anchor, bring your awareness to your feet. Visualise them being deeply pulled into the earth underneath you or you can use your smell to smell something that will help you to feel more relaxed.

5. Remind yourself that while the ‘stone in your shoe’ may be uncomfortable and the sensations that arise from it may be distressing, ‘everything is temporary, nothing is permanent’. The stone WILL come out of your shoe, the sensations WILL pass.

Treat yourself with kindness, compassion and beauty.

Thank you as always to Brian O’Loughlin and his team at Celtic Media Group (https://www.anglocelt.ie/, https://www.con-telegraph.ie/, https://www.meathchronicle.ie/, https://www.offalyindependent.ie/, https://www.westmeathexaminer.ie/ and https://www.westmeathindependent.ie/ for all their wonderful help!

As published by The Celtic Media Group in The Anglo Celt, Connaught Telegraph, Meath Chronicle, Offaly Independent, Westmeath Examiner and Westmeath Independent newspapers w/c 08/02/2021

Dr Shauna Shapiro, who is a Professor of Psychology in Arizona, talks about how these simple words changed her life when she was recovering from spinal surgery at the age of 17. She explains that by initially focusing on anger, frustration, self-judgement and criticism, that is what she manifested into her life during her recovery. She goes on to explain that by adapting her focus to self-love, self-compassion, self-care, kindness and positivity she was able to manifest these elements to aid in her pain management and her recovery.

This is an example of the power of Mindfulness and how it can truly transform anyone’s life. When we learn how to focus on our present experience, whatever that experience may be, but without entertaining or getting pulled into all the drama, fears, worries, emotional pain and trauma that our brains create around the actual experience, Mindfulness can be a very effective form of pain relief and aid your pain management programme.

There is a scenario I love to use in my teachings. This is called ‘The Two Arrow Analogy’. The basic concept of this traditional Buddhist teaching is that it is inevitable and common humanity that we are all going to suffer pain and discomfort in our lives – this signifies the first arrow of suffering. However, we have the choice as to how we want to deal with our pain and suffering – this represents the second arrow of suffering. We can choose whether we want to shoot or fire the second arrow!!! This analogy helps us to learn how to deal with our normal, human pain and suffering more skillfully.

Let us take the example of someone who suffers with back pain daily in their lives. This is an awful physical pain and trauma for the sufferer and most likely makes their normal daily lives much more difficult. This is the first arrow of suffering. How the sufferer decides to react to this daily back pain and suffering mentally, emotionally and physically is entirely their choice. This is the second arrow of suffering. The sufferer can choose to let their mind, body and emotions become completely overwhelmed and consumed by this daily pain. They can choose to only allow themselves to focus on the level of pain and discomfort they are in. They can choose to replay the pain and suffering track in their minds or verbalise it to family and friends. They can choose to exclude themselves from certain events, outings, gatherings because of their mental, emotional and physical discomfort.

Or the sufferer can learn through Mindfulness to:
• Accept the awareness of and recognise that their physical pain and suffering are part of their present experience
• Acknowledge with compassion to themselves that it is ok and that is expected that they should feel grieved, emotional, physically restricted, tired and frustrated with their pain and suffering
• Gain comfort through Mindfulness that human pain and suffering is part of common humanity and that there are millions of other people experiencing pain and suffering in the same moment

Something else that I always love to reference in my teachings is a quote by Jon-Kabat Zinn, an American Professor and the Founder of the Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) programme:

“Awareness is not the same as thinking. It is a complementary form of intelligence, a way of knowing that is at least as wonderful and as powerful, if not more so, than thinking.”

(Source: Jon Kabat-Zinn, Full Catastrophe Living (Revised Edition): Using the Wisdom of Your Body and Mind to Face Stress, Pain, and Illness)

So HOW do I use Mindfulness to aid in my Pain Management?

The following is a step by step guide on how to use Mindfulness to aid Pain Management:

1. Every day make time to ‘practice what you want to grow’. In a seated position, eyes gently closed over, bring your awareness and an attitude of acceptance to your current experience of physical, mental or emotional pain. Take 3 connective breaths to this pain, in through your nose, out through your mouth, in through your nose, out through your mouth, in through your nose, out through your mouth.
2. Now bring your awareness to the location in your body that you feel the physical symptoms of your pain. Is it your head, heart, arms, tummy, back, legs, feet?
3. When you locate the area of the physical pain, ask yourself the followings questions: • What can I do in this very moment to help me to manage this pain and suffering more effectively? • How can I be kind, caring and compassionate to myself in this moment? • How can I soothe myself, my emotions and this physical pain right now?
4. Easing into this physical pain and just breathing as you normally would, see if you can name the sensation of the physical pain you are experiencing. Is it sharp, dull, topical, deep, hot, cold, light, heavy?
5. If you can, now place one of your hands on the area of your body where you are feeling this physical pain or your two hands if there is more than one area. Connect to the feeling of your soothing, comforting hands of care, warmth, love and compassion as they rest on your body. Feel your body and the physical pain starting to soften under your hands. Allow your body to feel this pain and allow it to soften, release and gain comfort from your soft soothing touch.
6. Continuing to breath normally, now place both your hands on your heart. Feel the love and kindness for your body, for your pain, radiating out through your hands and into your heart. Resting here as you breathe, connecting to your heart with love and compassion.
7. Now say to yourself, ‘I am here for you’, ‘It’s ok’, ‘I know that you are hurting right now’, ‘you are safe and protected’. Spend as much time here and repeating these phrases as you wish.
8. Feel your physical body and your pain releasing tension and feel the warmth of your connection with your pain through your hands into your heart. Continue breathing love and kindness into your pain and into your body and breathing out fear and tension for as long as you wish.

By Leona McDonnell Mindfulness and Wellness.

Thanks to Deirdre in Deirdre Rusk Photography for her amazing images!! Check out more of Deirdre’s work on her website https://www.deirdrerusk.com/

(As published by The Celtic Media Group in The Anglo Celt, Connaught Telegraph, Meath Chronicle, Offaly Independent, Westmeath Examiner and Westmeath Independent newspapers w/c 28/09/2020)